#30in30: Diving Inside My Psyche

In many aspects, I can be completely fearless. I joined the Speech & Debate team in middle school on a whim. Got up and performed oratory, poetry, and prose with no problem. I was an anchor on my middle school's morning tv program. I am not opposed to public speaking. As a matter of fact, I love it. I love to command people's attention when I have to say. I do not need to be the center of attention or the life of the party. That's never been me. But, I also know I can play that role need be. So, why is it that little things freak the hell out of me?

I sing all the time. Mostly when I'm alone. But, ask me to sing in front of you and I freeze. I don't think that it has anything to do with being judged. I'm wise enough to know that on some level I'm being judged every day by any one. I can't sing. I'm no Patti, Beyoncé or Anita. I sound ok. But I also know it isn't my forté. It literally freaks me out to be put on the spot to sing for someone. I know its silly. It's just how I feel. I don't know of something happened to me as a kid that prevents me from being fearless at this.

There was a time when I did everything in my power to hide my breasts. It took a lot of effort on my part. The twins, as I affectionately refer to them, have been huge for a while. People have made them the topic of conversation. It embarrassed me for years. It took me a while to be comfortable with them. Also, I had to realize that I can't hide them. It's ridiculous on so many levels. I was self conscious about them. I blushed when my friends would speak about the twins as if I wasn't standing right there. I had to embrace that I had something God given that women will pay good money for. I had it naturally. The embarrassment died down. My maturity kicked in & I embraced myself. There has not been one moment since then where I've felt self conscious about them.

Even now, I have moments where the doubts of the younger version of me peeks in. I try not to fall back in to old habits. Being fearless is less about doing and more about existing. That is something I'm always working on. I'm not striving for perfection though. I just want to be the best version of me that I can be. I owe that to myself and to those who love me. I don't like when things/people rattle me. I like to be on top of things in all aspects of my life. That's my ultimate goal. I am always analyzing myself so that I can weed out the bad and work harder on the good of me. What can I say? I am a constant work in progress. Stay with me as I work!

#30in30: Friends With Restrictions

Today's topic is inspired by a post on Facebook. The question posed was this: "You are planning your wedding. Your best friend's hair/size/etc. doesn't fit with your ideas for your event. Do you not allow them to participate or do you adjust your vision a bit?" This topic struck a distinct nerve with me. I've been personally affected by this situation. It didn't take me long to recall my feelings on it. I've been in a few weddings and have seen the way they affect those involved. I was completely caught off guard in the situation. Let me tell you what happened to me.

For years, she and I bonded over many things. She would often say "when I get married, you know you're in my bridal party." It was an understanding between the two of us. So, when she became engaged, I just knew I was in the wedding. Imagine my surprise when that turned out not to be the case. Her reason was ridiculous for rescinding the offer. She also didn't even tell me face to face. She left me a message. There comes a moment when you realize who your friends are. The moment my "friend" left that messed up voicemail I knew. It made me realize that we weren't the good friends I thought we were. I was so hurt by her words. From that moment, our friendship was forever broken. We weren't the same two girls anymore.

Weddings seem to bring out an ugly side of people. Looking back on the situation, I realized that the friendship had restrictions. And, they seemed to remove around the size of my chest. That was the reason I was unceremoniously kicked out of the wedding party. It hurt. I held on to that hurt for a while. It made me self conscious about something I could not change or control. It made me sad. This is only my second time telling this story. It doesn't hurt anymore. I learned a lesson. I know what I will and won't do to my family & friends when my day comes. That day will be all about love & family, the family I was born into, the one I am marrying into & the one I handpicked. That's what I want.

#30in30: Defining My Literary Voice

"Do you have a 5, 10 year plan?" he quietly asked. That question used to cripple me. Only because I never knew exactly what the right answer was supposed to be. It's like the "describe yourself in 5 words" question. Such a hard question to fully answer. This time, I had an answer. Because the older I get, the more focused I am becoming. My ultimate goal is to write a novel. That's the easy part, proclaiming my future. The hard part deciding what to write, what particular story to tell. In college, I started working on a novel. I was heavily influenced by the literature that I was taking in. I was all about the urban lit genre. I gobbled it up. I read just about every highly praised street lit book. The story lines were new and exciting to me. Mainly because they were all so foreign to my life. 

I grew up in the hood but I was never a street chick. I was enthralled with that lifestyle in the pages of those books. My first attempt at writing my novel was unauthentic to me. It wasn't my voice or my story to tell. So I destroyed it. I sent all of those words to a fiery death. I didn't want anyone to read them. They were awful. Now, I am more focused on telling a story that speaks of my heart. I know that I want to create great characters who have depth that just happen to be Black. My plot and story have to be awesome. I am leaning more towards a romantic comedy edge. That is what piques my interest. I want people to get so lost in my world that the race of my characters means nothing. I just want to write a beautiful moving piece of work. It's easier said than done. 

Anyone who proclaims to be a writer knows how hard it is to share your art with the world. My words are like my babies. It's hard to give the world your heart because everyone isn't going to love what you do. I have tough skin but my heart is fairly fragile. It's the one thing hindering me. I have decided to just do it. Just go for it. I have to know if I have the literary chops to make it. I feel it deep in my heart that I do. I know once I have my work published, I am opening ng myself up to the criticism of the world. People will have their strong opinions about it. Some will love it, others will hate it. I have to accept that fact. I know I won't be able to satisfy all of the readers with my work. I have to accept that fact. 

Finding and perfecting my literary voice has been a tedious task. I do not want to tell a story that has already been told. I cannot be a carbon copy of the writers I love. It's one of the main reason I love my blog. I get to write my story in my voice here. Writing is a skill that needs to be sharpened. It can only be accomplished by writing in mass quantity with mass quality. I pour my heart out here. I'm hoping that I can translate that passion into my novel. I am putting it out into the universe that I will write that special piece of literary gold. I'm focused on doing the work to achieve that. My mind, heart and literary voice are all in sync. Remember my name and this particular post. I know what my future holds.

#30in30: Picture Perfect

Pictures are one of my favorite hobbies. I love to be able to sit and reminisce while looking at old photos. I have not always been diligent when it came to taking and keeping them though. I wasn't that concerned with them for years. As a kid, I only remember taking school pictures. In high school, I LOVED pictures. This was reinforced by the fact that I was on the newspaper and yearbook staffs. But, I still did not take a lot of pictures just for my personal stash. It was just something to do to insure that my friends and I stayed in the yearbook :) I'm not sure why some are opposed to photos so much. I need them. I snap them all the time. Pictures often times capture more than just the people on the screen. They capture a feeling, a song, a thought of something specific about that moment in time. 

After my Dad died, I realized that I did not have a lot of pictures of him. That made me so angry on top of everything else. There were 18 years of memories that we shared and pictures weren't taken. In a way, I became obsessed with documented things via photos. I still carry a camera in my purse at all times. These days I am partial to the convenience of my Evo's camera. I love pictures. I really do. There are always such good memories attached to them. I can almost remember the exact moment that each was taken. That alone makes it worth it. Memories may fade as we get older and our minds can't recall certain things. But, pictures are forever. They have no expiration date. I should start to date them and put names on the back. I don't want to be 78 and can't remember who's actually in the picture. 

Photos may not be that important to most but they represent something else to me. They are a representation of what I've experienced, where I've been, and whom I've shared them with. As I flip through the countless photo albums I have acquired over the last years, I still get sad about the lack of Daddy pictures. I take an annoying amount of pictures because I don't ever want to not have any pictures. My nieces and nephews are so used to me making them pose that they ask for pictures to be taken. I have a ridiculous amount of pictures of the 8 of them. I make no apologies about this aspect of me. Hey, we're making memories here. I know they will love to see all of the photos that I will have acquired by the time they reach high school. There is just something about having a picture to go along with the perfect story. It just works.

*Above photos: (1) 4 of nephews/niece at our last family reunion; (2) My parents holding a 4 month old me; (3) me at 3 y/o*

#30in30: Ladies Love Lyrics, Special Edition

This edition of "Ladies Love Lyrics" is slightly different. I decided to step out of my r&B/Hip-Hop box for this pick. I do not know anything about the Rascal Flatts. Until I heard this song "Bless The Broken Road," I could not name one song by this group. I discovered this song on a random blog read. This song speaks to me on so many levels. It's a song about all the roads traveled that finally lead you to your one true love. I love everything about it. For me, music is the best when I can identify with it personally.

My favorite lines are "That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you." How dope is that? I know that I can be very biased when it comes to love songs because of where I am in my life. But, to be perfectly honest, I have always had a extremely soft spot for good love songs. "Bless The Broken Road" truly falls into that category for me. I could listen to this song forever. It's that good to me. The Rascal Flatts have a new found fan in me. I will be looking into more of their music. Listen and enjoy!

"I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

[Chorus:]
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

[Chorus]

Now I'm just rollin' home into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you..."

#30in30: The Scenario: Family Feuds

Families are a complex part of life. They are the people who know us the best and love us. But, there are also a faction of family that causes us stress. The fact that they are family complicates things. It is hard to cut family members out of your life. The reality is that some times this is what needs to happen. Family feuds happen. This is just a fact of life. Sometimes, they are small and insignificant. Other times, they are huge, epic, blow outs. Either way, they both affect the entire family. That is never a good thing. I try my best to avoid the familiar drama. It is not my thing. And, the reality is, family stays family.

"The family is a haven in a heartless world. - Christopher Lasch

There are some things that I just cannot stand for. Disrespect is high on that list. I will not stand around and let anyone disrespect me or certain family members. That's just not going to happen. I love my family. I am closer to some of them. Those are the ones I will always have their back. I'm not one for fussing and fighting, especially in public. I don't want to be involved in this. I do not like or live for drama. But, I know that there are some that this is their only joy in life. That is sad but true. There are a handful in my own family. For the most part, I avoid and ignore them. I do my best to not invite that negative energy into my space. I do not want that or them no where near me.

"Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Author Unknown

The bottom line is this: keep your disrespectful speak to yourself in my presence. It will not bode well. In this scenario, I may come out of my character when faced with it. I am thankful that I am not the same hot head that I was at 21. In general, I am not looking for a fight. I am a 32 year old woman. What would I look like fighting? That's dumb and that isn't me. I will always stand up for myself. I will defend those I love until there isn't any life left in me. That's who I am. Feuding inside one's family is never a good thing. They divide the family. It never ends well. Love your family. Even when all they want to do is fight. Love them regardless.

#30in30: The Explanaton

Twitter is one of my favorite social media sites because of the way it connects us to others. One of my favorite authors, Aliya S. King, utilizes her Twitter platform. She holds weekly sessions aptly called #AskAliya. She encourages her Twitter followers to ask any and all writing questions. I love how interactive she is with all of us. Last night, she challenged her followers. It's the #30in30 blogging challenge. The goal is to write a blog per day for a month. That is the only rule to the month long challenge. Sounds right up my creative alley. 

Writing has never been hard for me. It's essentially who I am. Writing for the world to see always hinders the process for me. As a writer, sharing your words is literally laying your heart bare for others to see. That takes courage. Writers, in that sense, have to have huge balls. This challenge is about me pushing myself to the next literary level. I write to sharpen my tool. I think a writer cannot get to the quality of their work without going through the quantity. Writing everyday helps hone my skills. I become a better writer by simply writing. My blog is my continuous conversation with the world. I am writing in abundance so that my written work matches all that I read. I'm developing my voice here in this space. 

For me, this won't be a challenge. I have been blogging every day all year. But, I've decided to participate anyway. I want to put a twist on my personal challenge though. I want to blog about different topics. I'm not sure exactly what I will blog about. But, I'm totally in this. It will be great. I also think it will be fun to read some new blogs via others who will be in the #30in30. For the next month, my challenge will be to diversify the scope of my blog. That is what I will focus on. Fingers crossed and prayers sent up for writing growth during this period. August 1st was the start date for the challenge. Now, we're off and rolling. I'm wishing myself good luck. 

#30in30: Food For Thought

Focus means "a central point, as of attraction, attention or activity."

Sometimes this is the hardest thing to do, to focus. To get your mind centered on one specific thing. Life has a way of throwing so much at a person that one could lose focus easily. I know this to be true. Some things I know when it comes to writing, I have to truly get myself to settle down and focus. I have to visualize my topic and my points. I clear my mind of everything and focus on that one topic. All of my thoughts about it cloud my mind. This is easier said than done when it comes writing. My focus gets challenged many nights. There are times when I cannot write a thing. Any there are times when I have trouble focusing on many things. It takes a lot of concentration. My mind is always on overdrive. This is the gift and the curse. It's awesome when I need to brainstorm. Not so awesome when its time to sleep. At that point, I have to make myself focus on sleep. What is your focus right now in life? Where does your passion lie?

Music Review: Frank Ocean & Jhene Aiko

This week's music review consists of something old and something new. The two artists, Frank Ocean and Jhene Aiko, are quite similar. Both projects are great in their own right. Both projects are full of soulful lyrics and tracks. Both Ocean and Aiko are singer/songwriters. Both reside in LA. Both have unique voices. And, last but not least, both have a story to tell that is at first thought unique to them. I was thoroughly impressed with both "Channel Orange" and "Sailing Souls." Let's discuss them.



From the first time I heard of Frank Ocean, I was a fan. Back then he was known as Lonnie Breaux. He was from my hometown. When he released "Novacane," his name became known worldwide. His mixtape was in constant rotation for months. It's just really good r&b. Soulful melodies and lyrics run rampant on both of his projects. His debut "Channel Orange" was one I was waiting for. He lived up to the hype. There are some truly great tracks on his debut. What I love the most is the fact that it just flows. I do not have to skip around. I can press play on #1 and play it all the way through. The constant theme of love and heartbreak is obvious. It's one that everyone can relate to. Ocean is an awesome writer, a good singer and a wonderful artist. His art makes me happy.










I was late getting on the Jhene Aiko train. Her voice is one I've known for a while. I hadn't heard her "Sailing Souls" before last week. I was sold on it from the first listen. Her voice is very light and sweet. But, I really enjoy it. I like her lyrics and her subject matter. She seems to be a lot older than she really is. There isn't one track that I dislike. Aiko really put her heart into this project. She is currently signed to Def Jam and is said to be working on her debut "Souled Out." I cannot wait to hear this as well. Hope you guys enjoy this little bit of old and new music.

Rant: Dude, Shut Up!

After seeing this Jamie Rohrs character give interview after interview, I've come to one conclusion. He is a punk. Being in a dark theater and a maniac is shooting people may make one panic. I do not understand how a father could place his 4 month old baby boy on the floor. Or leave his then girlfriend and her 4 year old daughter in the theater. Or jump over a balcony and flee the theater. Or get in his car and leave the scene without his family. Why is he giving interviews and crying as if he's a hero?? He is scum. And, that proposal at the hospital seems suspect. His fiancee is a fool for accepting. If a man loves me then leaving me in harm's way would not be an option. I really want Rohrs to stop showing his face and talking. I cannot even wrap my mind around the fact that this woman accepted his proposal. Just sad all the way around. In my opinion, Rohrs is a coward. And, who wants to marry a coward? Not me!

N.O. Bounce

New Orleans is known for many things. Music being one of the top ones. Music in the N.O. means one thing to me: Bounce. Bounce music is hard to describe. But, it's a feeling. I am speaking more to the Bounce music of the 90's. I do not really care for this new age Bounce music. Maybe it's because it's so drastically different. Either way, I was feeling nostalgic last week and decided to look up this old tracks. Listening to these songs instantly brighten my mood. I started remembering so many things when I heard specific songs. I was in my own musical euphoria!

These songs literally framed my teenage years. From the age of 12 to about 21, this was my life. Even now, if I here any of the songs below, I have to dance. I cannot help it. They bring back so many good memories. So many dances, parties, clubs, and bar nights. I really had a great time growing up. So carefree and fun. My friends and I always had the most fun when we got together and went out. We were the party, always. The N.O. Bounce scene has drastically changed and it doesn't seem as fun as it was when I was a kid. I am loving YouTube for the simple fact that I was able to find so many of my favorite tracks. If you're from the NO and are of a certain age, these songs will be everything to you. If you aren't from the N.O., take a walk down memory lane with me. Enjoy!!

It's My 2nd (Blog) Birthday!!!

Two years!! Wow!! I am so excited about this. Today marks the second birthday of my blog. I have poured my heart and soul into my words here. It has not always been easy but it has always been worth it. I have posted over 600 blogs on various topics. All of them meant something to me. All of them made me feel something. This blog has helped me through a few rough patches in my life. It has been my salvation in a way. I can only imagine what I will write about next. I just know that I will do it here on my little piece of the world wide web. Writing has been my passion since I was in the 4th grade. Being able to create in such a way as this has given me happiness I cannot even describe.



Every day, so far, this year I have been able to stick to my daily blogging goal. Hell, there were even some days that I posted two blogs a day. This is a huge accomplishment for me. I think that personal blogs are much harder to maintain than entertainment/gossip blogs. I write about music, poetry, literature, politics, television amongst other things. Then, there is the overwhelming helping of my own life that I lay bare here. I am so appreciative for all of the people who have visited my blog, read my stories, and commented. You make this worthwhile for me. Knowing that someone, some where, is reading my words makes my soul happy. I will forever chase that feeling. So, happy birthday to me and my blog!! See you next year as we turn three!!

Places I Must Visit: Paris, France

Paris, France has been depicted as one of the most beautiful cities in the world. It seems to be the destination spot of many people, myself included. I want to go there. From the national monuments to the local restaurants, everything about the city seems magical. It appears to be a city that you can't help but love. I love movies and books about Paris. It is so far removed from my daily life. I'm quite enthralled with Paris. I loved the last two episodes of "Sex & the City" for that reason alone. Paris is definitely top five on my list.



París is the city of love. I want to go there and be deeply in love. I want to walk around the city holding my Love's hand. I want to sit at the outdoor cafe's and sip cappuccinos and take in the sights. I want to explore every inch of the Lourve. Museums are so interesting to me. I want to sit in the grass next to him in front of the Eiffel Tower. I want to see the city all lit up at night. I want to drink French wine and get drunk I am this city. I want to eat rich French food. I want to have a variety of cheeses, breads & grapes for brunch. I want to speak French with the locals. I need to fully immerse myself into this city for days. This is why Paris is a place I have to visit.

Residual Effects

There have been many situations where I find my inner reaction to not be the best. But what can you do when someone has hurt your feelings and too much time has passes? This person may believe that the situation has been squashed. In reality, you're still the injured party. You still get upset when you think back on things. Your feelings are still hurt. It could be a case where you have to man/woman up and deal. Your own emotions may make you hold on to the pain. Which is never good. But it is the way you feel.

I am not good at dealing with feelings that take me outside of my comfort zone. I hate to deal. I cry a lot. I literally cry at the mere thought of the situation. That's how hurt I can be about it. I don't like leaving things unresolved. But every situation in life does not warrant closure. Some times it's just better to move forward. I don't like people to know that their actions have a lingering effect on me.

So, in an effort to deal, I push my feelings down deep. I try my best to not think about the wrong that was done to me. I'm very good at moving on in the sense that no one will ever know what I'm feeling. I know I can sensitive to some things. There are times when I just keep my mouth closed and process things internally. That works well for me. I do not like having residual emotions concerning any situation. I like things settled. That's all I can do. I settle things in my own way. It's the only option that doesn't hurt any one else. I just deal with my own feelings. Some, I'm better at this than others. I do get things solved.

Classic Music: No Doubt "Tragic Kingdom"

No Doubt has been my group from the moment I first heard "Just A Girl." I really dug the fact that the band was fronted by a woman. Gwen was awesome even back then. I just knew that I had to have "Tragic Kingdom" when it came out. The singles were perfect. No Doubt was just a little rock group from California but I connected with them. I have been referred to as a "valley girl" before so this should be no real surprise. The group has gone on to release more cds. Gwen even had a very successful solo career. They are getting ready to release new music soon. I'm excited that my group is getting back together. The fact that I can still listen to their debut cd in 2012 means a lot. It is classic in every sense of the word to me. Enjoy my favorite tracks below!

In The News

There has been so many things going on in the news lately. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in CNN and the like. None of its good for my blood pressure. I am a recovering news junkie. I try not to take in too much because I get so upset. So, I just want to touch on a few topics quickly.



* James Holmes is an evil mass murderer. He shot 70 people in a dark theater for no reason. I do not care about his mental state. I do not care why he did it. There is no reason he can give to make his heinous crime ok. I also hate the way the media is covering this. It's like they want him to be mentally unstable. If he were a Arab or Muslim, he would've been labeled a terrorist from the first report. If Holmes were any other race other than white, this story would be slanted in a total different direction. Also, the fact that a man who was caught in head to toe protective gear and guns is constantly being referred to as a suspect drives me insane. A suspect really? He is guilty as surely that I'm a woman. He is the perpetrator. He is the murderer. He is guilty. I'm disgusted. And, incredibly sad for the people who lost their lives and were injured.

* The whole Penn State/Sansusky/Joe Paterno scandal has been one of the sickest things I've ever heard of. I'm not sad that the school & its football program were so severely punished. It's never ok to harm kids and to cover it up. Everyone who helped hid this scandal deserves to be punished. I'm sorry I don't feel sorry for the program. Penn State made a great amount of money via their football program. The victims deserve to be compensated for their pain, silence and their years.

* The Westboro Church has no morals. These "Christians" will boycott any and every thing as long as there is a television camera there. What is the point if showing up in Aurora, Colorado to protest? I do not get there agenda at all.

There are other political things that have me riled up. But they deserve their own blog post. The above mentioned items are the ones most pressing on my mind. I'm sure there will be more about these things. The Holmes case is just starting. It will be headline news for a while. It will be national news. Ok, my wrap up is done.

Rant: I Think I'm...

Writing truly makes me happy. That said, I think I've reached a breaking point. Finding topics has become harder in the last month. I only like to wrote about issues that concern me and that I feel deeply about. I do not just write for the sake of blogging. I need to write. I've committed myself to blogging every day. So far, I've been able to accomplish this. It's the end of July and I haven't missed a day. I've even posted a few extra times this year. It has been truly hard work.

Some of my friends think that blogging is easy. It isn't. Some don't get why this is so important to me. It's me finally doing what my heart wants. All throughout school, writing has been my thing. I'm going to try to not fall off my writing goal. I cannot let myself down. I'm doing this for me. I have to write to better my craft. I'm writing myself into being a better writer. I guess this is just me putting myself on notice. I'm just ranting about feeling burnt out. I'll sleep on it and get through it. There will be more writing to come in this space. Don't mind me, I'm just in between thoughts.

“I hate writing, I love having written.” ― Dorothy Parker

Does Age Matter When Dating?

We've all heard the saying "age ain't nothing but a number" but is it? Do you agree with that? When it comes to dating (assuming everyone is of legal age), does age really matter?? It is an age old question. My answer has changed drastically since I was 16. I preferred guys my age in high school. That was the norm.. I wasn't into older guys until college. I've realized that age isn't as important as maturity level. That is the determining factor.

I have dated younger (twice), my age (most of the time) and older (a few times). What I have realized is age really doesn't matter. Younger guys can be more mature than guys my age. Older guys can be much more immature than they should be. I know its been said that women mature faster than men. I think that is a case by case situation as well. Maturity never presents itself in the same way. I prefer to be able to have conversations with a man on a myriad of topics. A mature man who is fully aware of the world around him makes me smile.

Many factors should be considered when it comes to dating. The attraction comes first. During the initial conversations, other factors will be fleshed out. Age comes up as well as occupation and kids. All of the pieces matter. I think the answer to the age old question depends on the person. I'm totally opposed to dating younger. Older seems to suit me much better. I think its because I am an old soul. You're only as old or young as you feel. I know what works for me and what I prefer. What about you guys? Weigh in!

My Soul Has A Mate...Maybe

Soul mate - (noun) "A person with whom one has a strong affinity, shared values and tastes, and often a romantic bond." Soul mates is an idea, a notion that I've always believed in. My definition of the term has changed over the years. As children, we are fed the fairytales of Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and the ever present Prince Charming. The story always ends with everyone living happily ever after. These couples are deemed soul mates. A conversation last night sparked the issue of soul mates. Are we only allowed one true soul mate? Have you met your soul mate? I wonder how many people are actively pursuing their soul mates and how many have had the pleasure of meeting and marrying theirs.



I used to naively believe that there was only one true soul mate. That one person who was meant for you. Thankfully, there is wisdom associated with age. I've changed my stance on the issue. I think we meet people who possess the soul mate qualities at different points in life. It mainly has to do with what you are open to in life. If I had meet my soul mate at 22, I would have completely messed it up. I was not looking for a life long commitment at 22. I was fresh out of college, looking for a job and hanging out with my friends. I was not open to a soul mate then. My thoughts and beliefs begin to change and mature around the age of 30. I had been told that this would happen. A light bulb came on.



I decided that I wanted to love someone, truly love them with everything in me. And, I wanted a man who would/could love me in the same way. I had never experienced that before. I had never wanted to. I prayed about it and then I went on with my life. There is a great quote that speaks to this point in my life. It is "...when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." ("The Alchemist" Paulo Coelho) If you are lucky, you will find your soul mate at the perfect time. I was realistic in my wants, in my prayers. I was not a little girl wishing for a Prince Charming. The idea of him never did anything for me. If you're lucky, you will get your soul mate for life. It's what life is made of.

I Won!

As a kid, I always won contests. Always. At school, on the radio, and via the local newspaper. I have attended so many concerts for free due to me winning contests. I was just a winner. I hardly ever enter Twitter/Tumblr/Facebook contests. Mainly because the contest require so much from you. They want you to "like" the Facebook pages, follow them on Twitter and Tumblr, and repost about the contest. The reality is that I like to follow only the people and companies I like. So, I usually never give the contests a second glance. But, there were two in the last few weeks that really caught my eye. So, I went against my first mind and entered both. Imagine my surprise when I WON the first one!!!



The first contest was sponsored by Sassy Nation. This contest was tailored for someone like me. The prize was a Carol's Daughter's 1-2-3 Transitioning Kit. I am indeed a transitioning woman. I have wanted to try products from CD for a while now. I just don't like to order hair products online. Because if I don't like it or it doesn't work for me, returns & exchanges can be a hassle. I am currently awaiting my prize in the mail. I can't wait to get my hands on these products. I've heard great things about this kit. I just want to try them on my own transitioning hair.



I am hoping that this winning streak extends to the second contest I entered. It has to do with a free trip and concert tickets. I am wishing, hoping and praying that it does. Because the trip is to a city I've never been to but have always wanted to visit. The concert would just be the icing on the cake for a fan like me. I came across this contest via Twitter. A simple retweet brought it into my life. I still have a few weeks before a winner is chosen on that one though. Who knows, it could work. I guess now my faith is restored in the online contests. I can't wait to enter another one. Fingers crossed that I can win. What do you think about contests? Is it all about good luck?

Are Haters Real?

I abhor the word "haters." It's overused and never used in the right context. People have sunk their teeth into this idea of having haters as if it's a great thing. I refuse to believe that every day normal people have throngs of these imaginary haters. The real question is "Are you for real?" Why would someone just chose you to hate on? Why? I do not get it. People cannot be this brain dead. I just have to giggle about it. Haters are something that people aspire to have. For what reason, I do not know.

Let me be clear here, hating is not something that must people do. If I just DO NOT like some person/place/thing, it means I just don't like it. That is not hating. That's me stating my opinion. And, we all know I have no issue expressing that. There are rappers that I think are beyond wack. I do not really engage in conversations about them because I do not like them at all. That's my prerogative. It's my personal belief that those who claim to have haters are just delusional. Because the reality is, what do you have that people should covet? I have heard the most ridiculous conversations about haters. I just laugh now. I think it's ridiculous. People need to find some thing else to fixate on. I cannot even take the idea seriously. For those of you who do adhere to that belief, identify yourselves so I'll know how to proceed. For those that do not, I salute you. To my "haters" (hahahaha) have fun!

Rant: Who's Un-American?

Mitt Romney and his team spent all day yesterday claiming that our current President is "un- American. " Really? Is it me or is this not a reboot of McCain in 2008? Back then, the GOP slandered President Obama with the claims that he was a Muslim and that he wasn't born here. That would mean that he wasn't an American. Has the Republican party ran out of ideas? It appears that they are just going to recycle the same mud from the last election. Newsflash to them: it didn't work then and it won't work now. It makes Romney & the Republican party look out of touch and racist. They need a new platform because this one is just stupid. How more American can the President be? Born and raised here and he has ascended to the highest office in the land. He pursued the American Dream. He came from nothing to acquire something. Is that not American of him? I love politics but I hate the mud slinging that comes along with it. Campaign on the facts. Just the facts. The people will decide what is fact and what is fiction. Un-American my ass!

Ladies Love Lyrics: Raheem Devaughn "Soulmate"

Raheem Devaughn has been a favorite of mine for a while. I feel as if hus greatness has not been noticed by the masses. His voice makes me very happy. As soon as his name was suggested to me, I knew what song to choose. "Soulmate" is the perfect track. The lyrics are just about everything. It's one of those perfect love songs. If you've never had the pleasure of heating this song, please indulge below. Let Raheem sing to your soul.

"Oooo baby this is a wonderful day baby
Today my dreams come true my soulmate-

Never knew a lady like you
distinct on the earth
When we met on my life
I fell in love
so I am here with you on this day to say
for my love yes
your name has my heart

Chorus
You're my soulmate (my soulmate)
with this ring I pledge to be with you
You're my soulmate
mmmm with this ring I pledge
(I pledge) to be with you mmm hmm

So glad you are my lady
my one and only lady
you make me feel that I have the world
My life without you is uncontrolled
girl I'll give you my world
For the rest of the days of my life
You were meant for me
you were meant for me yeah. "

Holding On

Is it healthy or even necessary to hold on to people from one's past? I know I used to be the girl who was cool with staying friends after the relationship ran its course. I think I wanted to prove how adult I was about the relationship ending. For the most part, I've had no problem with ex's staying in their respectable places in my life. I haven't had too many instances where me and a guy have had a truly bad break up. I am Facebook friends with ex's. I have only had one time where an ex came at me sideways via FB messaging. I promptly told him off and deleted him. I'm not here for that drama. I've actually gotten into more drama when an ex has a new boo. That has been the issue for me when it came to maintaining some sort of relationship with these men.

I know that not everyone I meet on this journey are meant to stay. Just like I'm not meant to stay in theirs. Why do some people hold on? Granted there are some that I geniunely miss the friendship. But, the reality is that once that line has been crossed, it's close to impossible to go back the other way. I no longer feel the need to hold on to that connection from my past. It's quite irrelevant to my life right now. I don't pick up the phone to call or text the way I used to. Hell, I have even cut out all of the mass emailing I used to do. I don't want to misrepresent myself as available to my past. I've lived it. I know what happened there, good or bad. It's a chapter in my story but it is not the whole thing. I may get a random text or two. And, any man who attempts to communicate with me already know who I am and what I'm about.

I'm not impressed anymore with the emotions of the past. I dealt with any lingering feelings in the proper and improper ways a long time ago. Before I allowed myself to move up & on, I knew in my heart that I was not holding a torch for any man. I was completely over everything in 2009. It took me a long time to actually deal with what was in my heart then. But, I did. And, I was a better woman for it. In the end, I wish no one in my past dating life any harm. If I see them, I'll speak. May even hold a conversation. Hope they know not to take anything I do as flirting at this stage. I'm not here for that. The girl that I was years ago grew up. She became a woman in her own right, at her own pace. I thought keeping lines of communication open made me seem more adult, more mature. When, in fact, it just kept me chained to my past. I learned that lesson the hard way. But, I learned it!! That was the most important part. In hindsight, I've learned that some people just do not deserve a place in my present day life. That isn't mean. It just shows that they were season or reason people and not lifetime people. No more holding on.

In Reality...

"I hate when my boyfriend says someone in a movie is sooooo attractive and I am her complete opposite and it happens to be one of my favorite movies because now I can’t watch it without feeling outrageously insecure." - via abakesacake. I saw this statement on Tumblr. And, it made me feel a certain way. Everyone finds some celebrity attractive. We have different reasons for feeling that way. But, the reality is that those crushes aren't real. They are purely physical. We don't know anything about these celebs. We know the characters they portray, the songs they sing & the clothes they wear. None of that should have any bearing on one's real life relationships.




I have a thing for Idris Elba. That accent, that face, that chocolate skin make me smile. I liked him as Stringer Bell on "The Wire." I like his movies. His pictures are always nice. But, I do not know who personally about this man. I do not fawn over him in front of my guy. I also have a thing for Paul Walker. He is a blond, blue eyed, white man. The complete opposite of my Love. But, I like what I see in him anyway. Just like I know my guy has a soft spot for Rosario Dawson, who looks nothing like me, and Jill Scott. They do something for him. Am I threatened by it? No. Should it? Absolutely not. Why would it? I know why I love him & vice versa. A crush on a celeb means nothing.




I think that sometimes people get so caught up in the insecurities that they lose sight of the realities. I would be a fool to let that make me question my relationship. The reality is I'm me. And that's who my Love wants to be with. Just like he is the one I want. If we are so quick to make a thousand insignificant rules inside our relationship, we're doomed to fail. I'm not here to tell him what to do, how to feel or where not to look. He is a grown man dealing with a grown woman. No one here needs to be led. We're together but neither of us are suddenly blind. We both may see someone attractive. That's life. Anyone who thinks otherwise is already on a collision course with failure. I'm not here for that.

It's That Time Again...

1: Apart from blogging, what do you like to do in your spare time? Reading and talking/laughing with my Love & hanging with my family.
2: Name a favorite of each: food, drink, color. Pasta, Strawberry Martini, Cerulean.
3: If you married rich and your spouse gave you $100,000 a week, what would you spend it on? Property...and shoes :)
4: Name a favorite of each: book, movie, tv show. "The Five People You Meet In Heaven," "Brown Sugar," The Wire.
5: If you were given the opportunity to spend 48 hours with absolutely anyone (living or dead), who would you spend it with and what would you do? My Dad & we would just talk and laugh.
6: Name a LEAST favorite of each: food, drink, color. Liver, Jack & Coke, Green.
7: What do you spend most of your money on? My hobbies which include music, reading & shoes.
8: What kind of underwear do you prefer wearing? Boyshorts.
9: Name a LEAST favorite of each: book, movie, tv show. The 50 Shades trilogy, Darkness, House.
10: If you were sat on a plane beside your favorite celebrity, what would you do? After talking myself into a clam state, I would strike up a conversation about their art. Tell him how much I appreciate his work.
11: What is the strangest thing you have in your room? (You are not allowed to explain why you own it.) A Build-A-Bear.
12: What is a weird habit you have, or people have told you have. (Weird, not bad. No nail biting or any of that nonsense.) I prefer to be in the dark.
13: What would you consider to be the biggest insult to yourself? That I'm not intelligent.
14: What are five things you absolutely have to have in your dream house? Open floor plan, spacious master suite, a closet to die for, chef's kitchen, & big backyard.
15: If you could be reincarnated as any animal, which would you chose and why? A hummingbird. Because they are little and cute and can go anywhere whenever they want.
16: Which band (current or past) would you want to go on tour* with? (*Travel with, not preform with.) New Edition.
17: Name a favorite of each: band, album, song. New Edition, "Reasonable Doubt," "Happy Feelings"
18: Why is your favorite band your favorite? I fell for them as a kid. They were adorable little brown boys who could sing. I was sold.
19: How many concerts have you attended? Which was your favorite? Least favorite? If none, who do you want to see live the most? Whew, hard question. Let's say 100 give or take a few. My favorite is a tie between the Watch the Throne tour and Essence the year Lauryn Hill performed. Least fave: was Essence the year MJB was so high and so drunk and she was awful.
20: What is one of your favorite song lyrics? (Who is it by?)"Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven. Your smile could heal a million souls. Your love completes my existence. You're the other half that makes me whole. You're the only other half that makes me whole." - Amel Larrieux "Make Me Whole"
21: Who do you love? My family, my Love, my friends.
22: What band merch do you own? If any, whose is it and when did you get it? If none, whose do you wish you owned? Outside of music, I am not into band merchandise.
23: How big is your heart? The capacity of it is gargantuan.
24: How did you learn of the band that is currently your favorite?Through my Dad.

Classic Music: Floetry "Flo'ology"

The brilliance that was Floetry is missed. This duo was simply amazing to me. The mix of spoken word and melodic sounds was genius. Their debut was everything to me. I loved it. But, their sophomore cd was their best to me. Sadly, it was also the swan song of the group. I have been missing them since. "Flo'ology" will always remind me of Bmore and the winter of 2005. It was the soundtrack to my life after Hurricane Katrina (along with Trey Songz debut cd, Young Jeezy's "TM101," and Alicia Keys "Unplugged" cd). I cannot remember a day during that time that I did not listen to it. I hated that the cd didn't get the push it needed. There was only one real single "Supastar" featuring Common. The cd was full of single worthy songs. So, of course, I have to share my favorites with you. "Flo'ology" was just about perfect.

Places I Must Visit: Turks & Caicos

From the white sandy beaches to the clear blue waters, there is just something about the islands of Turks & Caicos. The 40 islands are located south of Miami in the Atlantic Ocean. The weather there is basically perfect from June to October. It stays between 85-90. It's the kind of weather that lends itself to days and nights spent on those beautiful beaches. In an average year, Turks & Caicos has 350 days of sunshine. The islands boast over 230 miles of beaches. All of the pictures I have ever seen of the islands are beautiful. It's been on my list for some time now. It is definitely top 5 for me. Check out this & this to get more fun facts about the islands. Turks & Caicos seems to be just about a perfect place to visit.

Can You Hear My Biological Clock Ticking?

What is it about the age of 30 that sets off ideas of what one should be doing? I will be 33 this year. I can say that with a smile on my face. It kills me that others think that they know what's best for me. I hate the "so when are you going to have a baby" conversations almost as much as the "you know you aren't getting any younger." I know exactly how old I am. I'm well read on the advantages and disadvantages of having babies later in life. I don't need to be reminded of the fact that I haven't accomplished motherhood yet.

I don't want to be commended for not having a child (and furthermore being a single mom) nor do I want to be sympathized with because I've never been pregnant. It's the ultimate catch 22. As a teen and my early 20's, I knew inherently that getting pregnant would not be in my best interest. I was not ready for a baby. I didn't want to disappoint my Mom. I never wanted to be a single mom because I watched my Mom do it. I was raised in that struggle. It was hard. I didn't think I was built for it. I've always loved babies. I have not always loved the idea of having my own.

Some people approach the topic with me in the complete wrong way. I've been told that me not having a baby yet makes me less of a woman. It seems as if other people can hear my biological clock ticking louder than I can. I definitely do want babies. Little girls and boys who look and act like me would make my heart smile. I know nothing happens until it is time. I do not have any control over this. I'm ok with that. When it happens, I'll be over the moon excited! So, do me a favor. If you can hear my biological clock ticking, do me a favor & keep that info to yourself. Please and thanks in advance. I'll leave things like procreation in the hands of my God. He's always on time.

The Scenario: Relationships & Food Etiquette

When it comes to cooking, for me it's all about love. I cook for my family to nourish them. That makes me happy. Food makes people happy. It fills us up in more ways than one. I know I can be possessive. I have accepted this part of me. That leads me to the scenario. A woman who is not family or friends cooking for your man. Are we for or against this? I'm so against this. I have strong feelings about a woman who isn't family cooking for my man. Women are taught from an early age that "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Some women may pretend to just want to be friends with a man. It's not their true intention at all. Food is a ploy to worm their way in. I've seen it happen. I won't allow it to happen to me.

A woman can cook for HIM if she wants. I will throw it out like the trash it is. No ma'am. I will not stand for that. My guy though that was funny. I laughed because it's funny but I'm serious though. It's the same as if a man was cooking for me or buying me gifts. If he is not family or life long friend, this is not acceptable behavior. Especially for a woman who is clearly taken. I called my cousin & her husband just to get their reaction. My cousin Ty said she would want to fight the woman. I laughed but understood. Her husband wondered what kind of stupid question was that. Maybe we're all possessive & territorial. But, we all can't be wrong in feeling the way we do. Is it ok for some other woman to cook for your significant other? Do you see it for the trap that it is? Let's discuss food etiquette and relationships.