The above clip is from the new talk show "The Real." It is hosted by Tamera Mowry-Housely, Tamar Braxton, comedienne Loni Love, singer/actress Adrienne Bailon and Jenni Mai. They presented this scenario the other day. You meet a great guy. You begin dating. It turns into something real. The relationship is hot and heavy and fun. Both of you are happy. Until you aren't. It ends. Amicably or not. A few years pass, he moves on as do you. Somehow, you meet his new girl. The two of you click. You become friendly with your ex's current or ex. Is this a no-no or what? In the weirdest of situations, I totally agree with Tamar. It's odd and I would not, could not do it. I do not want to sit up and kiki with a woman who has had sex with a man I've had sex with. The basis of said friendship would be that odd connection. Es no bueno!! No ma'am to this. Even if I thought she was hella cool, I couldn't fathom this. I do not want to sit up and compare notes on this man. I do not care to know what kind of relationship she had with him. I definitely do not care to know about their sex lives. Eww. That is gross. I don't want to know if he used the same moves on her. Or if he used something I taught him on her. That's a mind game that I do not want to win.
I did have this almost happen to me before. I was in college. My ex's new girl wanted to be cool with me. He and I were on good terms. There was nothing left between us romantically. She was of the mind that we couldn't just be friends. It had to be more there. She lived in my dorm. She would always randomly run into me in the library, on the porch, in the stairwell. It was just creepy. She would seek me out for general conversation. I was cordial at first because of him. But, my spidey senses were quickly alerted after the third run in. I distinctly remember being on the elevator with her. Her asking me something about him post-coital. I literally changed colors. I lost it. "Look, boo, this ain't a conversation for you and I. Also, we aren't friends. So, stop it." I got off that elevator and couldn't dial his number quick enough. I told him to keep his "single white female" girlfriend away from me. I was freaked out for a while. It had nothing to do with him. I wasn't secretly still pining away for him. I just did not want or need that specific relationship. I do not understand anyone who would condone them. It's just not the kind of energy I want or need in my life. In the words of Aubrey Drake Graham, "no new friends, no new friends, no, no, no."
The battle of the sexes. It's a topic that never gets old. Women and men deal with it every day. It's just a natural part of life. Men and women battle it out about any and every thing. I am a proud woman. I can stand independently, take out my own trash and take care of myself. I do not want to change a tire, cut the grass or kill a spider. That's just me. I fully believe in male and female dominant roles. I know what I will and won't do. I am super competitive. I play to win. Always. Even when I'm playing for fun, I'm playing to win. that is the point, correct? But, when it comes to games, actual games, I always play to win.
In the scenario where I am playing a game with a guy, I do not want him to take it easy on me. For what? That would mean that I am weaker, less intelligent than him. That is NEVER the case with me. Yes, I am a woman. I am smart, I am a thinker, I am equal to any man. But, I do not want to be a man. Nor do I believe that I don't need a man. I would feel like a man was coddling me if he LET me win. I'm Kenda. I'm not big on charity or sympathy. I want to earn every win. I want to know that it was my win. That my hard work, my intelligence won the game for me. I like to gloat I can admit that. But, I wouldn't want my guy to give into me on something like a game. He knows it too. I like the thrill of the game. I love the excitement that leads up to a well played victory. Some women may want a man to allow them to win. I'm not that kind of woman. I demand more. I deserve more. I play to win. As does he. And, this is what a healthy competition looks like. What about you guys? Let's dish.
Families are a complex part of life. They are the people who know us the best and love us. But, there are also a faction of family that causes us stress. The fact that they are family complicates things. It is hard to cut family members out of your life. The reality is that some times this is what needs to happen. Family feuds happen. This is just a fact of life. Sometimes, they are small and insignificant. Other times, they are huge, epic, blow outs. Either way, they both affect the entire family. That is never a good thing. I try my best to avoid the familiar drama. It is not my thing. And, the reality is, family stays family.
"The family is a haven in a heartless world. - Christopher Lasch
There are some things that I just cannot stand for. Disrespect is high on that list. I will not stand around and let anyone disrespect me or certain family members. That's just not going to happen. I love my family. I am closer to some of them. Those are the ones I will always have their back. I'm not one for fussing and fighting, especially in public. I don't want to be involved in this. I do not like or live for drama. But, I know that there are some that this is their only joy in life. That is sad but true. There are a handful in my own family. For the most part, I avoid and ignore them. I do my best to not invite that negative energy into my space. I do not want that or them no where near me.
"Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Author Unknown
The bottom line is this: keep your disrespectful speak to yourself in my presence. It will not bode well. In this scenario, I may come out of my character when faced with it. I am thankful that I am not the same hot head that I was at 21. In general, I am not looking for a fight. I am a 32 year old woman. What would I look like fighting? That's dumb and that isn't me. I will always stand up for myself. I will defend those I love until there isn't any life left in me. That's who I am. Feuding inside one's family is never a good thing. They divide the family. It never ends well. Love your family. Even when all they want to do is fight. Love them regardless.
When it comes to cooking, for me it's all about love. I cook for my family to nourish them. That makes me happy. Food makes people happy. It fills us up in more ways than one. I know I can be possessive. I have accepted this part of me. That leads me to the scenario. A woman who is not family or friends cooking for your man. Are we for or against this? I'm so against this. I have strong feelings about a woman who isn't family cooking for my man. Women are taught from an early age that "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Some women may pretend to just want to be friends with a man. It's not their true intention at all. Food is a ploy to worm their way in. I've seen it happen. I won't allow it to happen to me.
A woman can cook for HIM if she wants. I will throw it out like the trash it is. No ma'am. I will not stand for that. My guy though that was funny. I laughed because it's funny but I'm serious though. It's the same as if a man was cooking for me or buying me gifts. If he is not family or life long friend, this is not acceptable behavior. Especially for a woman who is clearly taken. I called my cousin & her husband just to get their reaction. My cousin Ty said she would want to fight the woman. I laughed but understood. Her husband wondered what kind of stupid question was that. Maybe we're all possessive & territorial. But, we all can't be wrong in feeling the way we do. Is it ok for some other woman to cook for your significant other? Do you see it for the trap that it is? Let's discuss food etiquette and relationships.
Here's the scenario. An engaged man has an open and active page on a popular dating website. He's been in a relationship with the woman for over 5 years . They also have a kid. They are recently engaged. Oh and this man makes no mention of his child on this site either. You know the couple involved. Do you tell the fiancee what you know? Also, is this behavior appropriate?
In my opinion, the behavior is highly suspect. I would not approve of my spouse being on a dating website. I would wonder why he feels the need to still have one. It would seem as though he has something to hide. It's creepy and pervy to have this alternative life going on. If this man loves me enough to ask me to marry him, I would think he would not need anyone else. If we are engaged, then he should not be fishing for dates on a website. Who does that?
This topic was brought up in a group I'm in. The reaction was mixed. But, there was a strong divide between the men and the women on the subject. It just shows me that men and women perceive things differently. All the men saw nothing particularly wrong with it. But, they were not having it if it was their fiancee on the site. Women were categorically against it. We were all up in arms about the seediness of it. It just rubbed me the wrong way. What do you guys think? Let's discuss.
One of my favorite shows "The Game" returned to tv this week. The premiere was really dramatic and fast moving. It was good to me. The Jason/Chardonnay storyline looks to be promising. Jason is a smartass and I cannot wait to see what will come. Malik is still my fave. Tasha Mack is still Tasha Mack. But, Derwin and Melanie are the heart of this show. I have been a fan of these two since day one. There was one storyline that stuck out the most to me. Melanie admitted that she had an abortion that Derwin knew nothing about. Fireworks ensued. This is a touchy topic and I have a definite opinion on it. Read at your own risk.
My stance on abortion is twofold. For myself, I have always been pro-life. I have never believed in abortion for myself. That being saying, I have always been pro-choice for everyone else. It has never been my belief that its my right to tell another woman what to do with her body. That woman's life is that woman's choice. Fortunately, I have never been put in the position to have to make this choice. Derwin being more upset about the fact that the baby Melanie aborted wasn't his is ridiculous. When he thought the baby was his, he forgave her. He was calm and comforting.
The situation is even crazier by the reality of Derwin and Melanie's life. Melanie has had to swallow the pill of Derwin having a baby with someone else. There has been drama with Melanie and Janay, the baby's mom, since day one. Melanie is a step-mom before ever being a Mom. But, she gladly takes all of that on because she loves her husband. She has been very forgiving of Derwin and all the drama he has brought into their lives. I believe that Derwin was beyond wrong in the situation. His anger was misplaced because of his animosity towards Trey Wiggs, the father of the baby Melanie aborted. He's had an isseu with Trey since college. He also punched Trey at the end of the episode.
I just didn't get Derwin condemning Melanie's actions AFTER he found out the baby wasn't his. All of this information is old news. they have been married for a few years now so the past should rest in the past. Both of them have made mistakes. Both have been more wrong than right. Derwin's anger angered me last night. The consensus on Twitter was just about the same. Most of my Twitter followers reiterated my sentiments. I am just ready for this couple to be happy and drama free, if only for an episode or two lol. What do you guys think of this scenario? Did Derwin have a right to be angry? Was Melanie wrong for not telling him or Trey? Let's discuss.
I am not a big fan of the BET show "Let's Stay Together." There is something about it that just doesn't come together for me. I like a few of the actors. but, for the most part, there is a lot of overacting and acting that leaves much to be desired in my opinion. After watching the premiere of "The Game," I never changed the channel. So I was sort of watching but not really. One thing that did catch my eye was a situation that I cannot condone. Tasha, a married mom of two, met her ex for drinks. This is the scenario which we will discuss.
Tasha never asked Jamal, her husband for his opinion. Not that she needed his permission, but that is a definite no-no in my book. She was flirting with her ex, on the phone with him giggling and just being straight out disrespectful to her marriage and her husband. The way this scene played out is beyond ridiculous to me. Her husband didn't object, didn't get mad, or raise his voice. Tasha saw nothing wrong with her actions at all. I literally stared at the tv in utter disbelief. This is just illogical. Any one in the situation would have had any reaction. Jamal was way too calm. Her ex, whose name's alludes me but he is played by Christian Keyes, was way too flirty in front of Jamal. I think that was totally out of line.
The reality is this, there is no way I would be that cool about it. It's not about jealousy or insecurity. It is about respect. I wouldn't be ok with my husband going out to have drinks with any ex of his. When you're always looking back, you cannot move forward. I know females really well. Some can be quite devious and malacious. The only person I wouldn't trust in the situation is his ex. The situation would be different if he and I were going out for drinks with her. I would be able to keep her in line. On the converse side of that, I wouldn't even dare fix my lips to ask my man if it would be ok for me to have drinks with my ex. Why would I even think that it would be ok? That is crazy. I don't feel the need to catch up with my past. I lived it, I own it, I'm over it. I wouldn't dare disrespect him like that.
Tasha also went to her ex's house after having a drink with him. What? That is the craziest part of the whole scenario. Who does that? I would be livid if my man did this. What do you mean you went to her house? That is asking for me to go off. There is nothing about this scenario that I condone. I would never do that. Nor would I allow something like this to happen to me. The scenario is just a recipe for disaster. It's unneccessary drama I believe. RElationships are hard work withouth the added drama. What would you do in this scenario? Was it wrong of Tasha to do these things? Was Jamal too passive? Was her ex wrong to even broach the topic with Tasha? Let's discuss.
Ok, here's the scenario. You are friends with a married couple. You've known one longer than the other. But, you are really good friends with the wife and the husband. You are privy to the fact that the husband is cheating. What do you do?
This scenario was brought up in a conversation last night. It's a conflicting situation. Being friends with both of them complicates things. As a friend to the wife, I feel obligated to tell. Because if I were a wife, I would want to know. I know it would break my heart but I still would want to know. I just feel like cheating where you are married is the ultimate no-no. It's the lowest thing you can do to your mate.
On the reverse side of that, is the fact that me telling could cause me to lose two friendships. There is no guarantee that me exposing this affair would be a good thing in any way. The couple could decide to stay together and not speak to me anymore. It's one of those situations that could fall into the "its not my business" category. It's a very sticky situation.
So as you can see, I never came to a clear cut answer. I think that it's one of those hypothetical situations that I would have to be in to answer. It's very complicated. But I do know that if I was the wife in the situation, I would want to know. Cheating sucks. Those who engage in it are really not good people. I can honestly say that when I was younger I did whatever I wanted to. I did not care about cheating. Thank God I grew up. Wisdom does indeed come with age. What would you guys do? Tell or keep it to yourself? Let's talk about it.
