Sometimes I get into these moods that I can't shake. I don't like it at all. I think it comes with the territory of being a creative person. Writers can be some of the most tortured people. We're inside of our heads a lot. It's hard to stop that habit because it is inherently a piece of our personality. Even before I knew that writing was my passion, I contemplated everything a lot. Let me just say, I was a very interesting, serious kid. Back then, I didn't know why I was that way. I didn't know that worrying so much then would cause me so much headache later in life. I just knew this is who I was. The little girl who thought about every possibility. The rain today has promptly sparked this mood. Getting caught in it definitely did not help. Being cold and wet is never a good combination, not even on a good day.
That little girl grew into a woman who's now extremely conscious of everything. I think about what I say and how I say it often. I play out every possible scenario in my mind beforehand. When I'm overcome by a solemn mood, it's hard to shake. I'm always wondering about my level of happiness and how much of it do I inflict on others. Like does my presence alone make them happy? Now, I'm not concerned with people on general, just the ones I love. The way I am perceived and received means a lot to me. Sometimes it's easier for me to stay turned into myself because I know that I will and won't do. Things are easier that way. But that's not how life truly works. I'm just in a really weird mood and the rain is aiding it. I know I'll stop being overly sensitive and pensive soon. But these are some of my rambling thoughts that run through my brain when I'm feeling some kinda way. Every day isn't all sunshine and blue skies. I know that in order to appreciate the rainbow, I gotta put up with the rain. And, no matter how bad, weird my dy has been, the best part of my day is hearing the one voice that makes everything better. It's so crazy how one person can make me smile about everything. So instead of being all inside my head, I am now enjoying the rain and listening to the voice and smiling.
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