What Would You Do?

Saturday morning I was doing what has become a routine: reading my magazines. I subscribe to far too many and usual let them pile up before I read them. The picture above comes from Oprah's O Magazine. The title alone caught my eye. "What Would You Do IF You Had No Fear" is an awesome question. What would I do? I have a list that would definitely take place. It is amazing to me how much fear rules our lives. The women who answered the magazine's question did not give outrageous answers. One woman said she would move to another country with her family and open up a cafe'. Another said she would write a children's book. None of these things are unobtainable. I think we get so caught up in the day to day that we forget to live our dreams. Fear does nothing but prohibit us from getting to our destiny.  I've written about fear before: here, here, and here. It is something I deal with on a daily. Finding a way to conquer my own fears is a journey in itself. 

If I had no fear, I would indulge in the following:

• Drop everything and move to San Diego or Savannah. I've never been that fearless.
• Travel to Santorini, Greece alone. It's a trip that I've been planning mentally for 2 decades. 
• Spend the summer getting lost in the islands. No phone, no internet. Just a camera.
• Go to my Dad's grave. 
• Go back to school to get another degree.

Eliminating fear from my life is my new goal. I want to be fearless in all aspects of my life. I want to be able to do whatever my heart desire's without worrying. I want to be able to let go of my worrying and just exist. I want to walk confidently into my destiny with my head held high and my conscious clear. I will do this. I will become that truly fearless woman I envisioned in my mind. She is me and I am her. There is no other option. So what would you guys do if you had no fear? What is the dream that you haven't gone after because of fear? Let's discuss and then let's go get it. 

"You Female!"

There is a discussion that has been taking place online for some time now. It is about the word "Female" and how degrading it is. Really? The Republicans are waging war against women's equality, fair pay and reproductive rights. And, this is what people want to harp on? Come on women, we have bigger, better fights to conquer. A "female" is defined as "a person bearing two x chromosomes in the cell nuclei and normally having a vagina, a uterus, and ovaries," or "An organism of the sex or sexual phase that normally produces egg cells." (dictionary.com) I'm confused. Does that definition not define who women are? I know that it defines me as a woman. So how did a simple term become so degrading?

I find the discussion utterly ridiculous. As women, don't we have other things to discuss? I cannot even muster up a *excuse my language* fcuk to give about it. Being called a bitch is degrading. Being called a nigger is degrading. Being called a female, which I am, is not. I am not hurt by that word. There are no negative connatations associated with this word. And, the ones I have seen seem to be particularly to the writer. Women are we that starved for drama that we have to make it up now? And, what's even more bizarre is the fact that its Black women who are having the biggest problem with the word. In 2012, Black women have so many other things to worry about. A word shouldn't be one of them. It just makes no sense.

Let me be clear, I am many things. Female and woman are always at the head of that list. They are who I am biologically. Why would that be degrading or offensive to me? It isn't nor could it truly be. I think people are up in arms behind the wrong thing. A woman is a female as is a female is a woman. They are one in the same. It's not a fight that needs to be fought. Those who are doing so should quickly have a seat. I find myself laughing as I type this. Because it is comical to say the least. We, as women, as females, need to focus our energies on other plights. If we stop paying attention to the world, the Republicans will have taken away all of our rights. Pay attemtion to what's really real, females!

What's Wrong?

That's the question I've been asking myself for the last 2 weeks. What's wrong? I really don't know. Maybe it's a little bit of everything. Stress. Fear. Lack of many things. Overindulgence in everything. It's as if my problem is everything and nothing at the same time. I'm very tense these days. No easy and quick way to solve them either.

I'm not a woman who cries. It's just not what I do. I hate it to be honest. So, imagine my surprise, when crying has been my only viable outlet for the last two weeks. I mean what is this about?!? I cried a total of 5 times in 2 days last week. That's beyond abnormal for me. It was weird. I literally sat in the tub & cried for 20 minutes. It was a deep, body shaking, shortness of breath, quiet cry. I couldn't stop myself. And when I was done, I felt a little better. But, I think my biggest issue is the fact that I'm the person people tell their problems to. I'm not the woman who shares her issues with others. I internalize everything. I deal with me because it's the way I've been all my life. It's hard to let people inside of my head & heart. I know that's fear. I also know I'm protecting myself from pain.

I think that I needed to cry. I needed to release all of that from inside of me. By holding so much inside of me, I was hurting me. I'm trying to find a way to stop carrying the world on my shoulders. It's not an easy feat. But, I'm confident that I can do it. I don't wanna have any more tear filled baths. It takes too much out of me. Crying is a normal bodily function. Not crying is not. I know this. I'm still a work in progress. Constantly working on becoming the best me I can be....tears and all lol.