Securely Vulnerable

"Well, I hope one day you find someone with whom you can be securely vulnerable." - Shay

The other night I was scrolling my Tumblr dashboard when my girl Shay dropped the above reply and it floored me. The discussion was about Black men being vulnerable with their women. That they need to be able to show emotion, weakness within their relationships. The phrase "securely vulnerable" is one that stood out to me. Vulnerability is something that I wrestle with because of how much you have to trust the people in your life with your somewhat fragile heart. The word vulnerable is defined as "easily hurt or harmed physically, mentally or emotionally; open to attack, harm, or damage. Being in love is the act of leaving yourself vulnerable to pain but trusting your lover to not do so. The act of being vulnerable with anyone is one that takes a lot of courage and heart. 

 

To me saying "I love you" is one of the biggest acts of vulnerability. Because loving someone opens you up to the possibility of getting your heart broken and getting hurt. And, to me, those two are the worst kind of emotional pain I have ever experienced. Loving people, openly and honestly, takes courage. It takes faith. Being vulnerable is not something that I . I think vulnerability is a trait that we all should aspire to. Yes, there is a risk but the reward is so much higher. I call my being vulnerability "soft and pink" because I feel like it is the most girly part of me. It's the part of me that is sensitive. To me, being securely vulnerable in a relationship is the most amazing thing. I've only achieved this once in my 34 years. The idea of that level of vulnerability seems daunting to try to achieve again. While I had it, I was totally enveloped in it. I thrived in it. I wondered how I lived without it. Now, that I do not have it anymore, I ache for it. The thought of it makes me happysad. Honestly, it's something I want again but this time I won't let it slip away. I want nothing more than to be securely vulnerable.