Power is defined as "the ability to act or do; capability of doing or accomplishing; the possession of control or command over others. Authority." Power can be intoxicating. For the purpose of this blog, I am looking at power as exchangeable. If a person, place or thing can make you act outside of your morn then you are giving them your power. That person or situation now has control of you and your emotions. When you're in the midst of a situation, you can lose sight of this. It's not easy to calm yourself down once you've become emotional. Emotions can be a nuisance. They betray our rational minds. I am a lot of things, powerful is one of them. I do not like to feel like I'm not in control of my life or what's going on. Any situation like that makes me feel unbalanced and weird. I don't feel like myself because I am not myself. This exchange of power is always negative. I do not care to be in any situation that takes me out of my element.
The reality is that I keep giving away my power willingly. Every single time I give into my emotions and engage in the same cyclical conversation. I am searching for answers and explanations from someone who decided months ago that I wasn't worth them. Every time I act outside of myself, I am giving this person the power over me, my emotions. Why would a smart woman keep doing such insane things? One word, four letters is the only reason. L-O-V-E. It's also the reason that I cannot go any further down this road. I'm tired of doing the same thing and expecting different results. I am sick of feeling less than. That's what love has done to me. It has changed me, for better or worse. I don't want to be powerless. But, this situation keeps bringing me back to the same results. So, I quit. I give up. I concede to the fact that I will never get the answers that I need. So, I'm going to mentally put a top on this box and kick it to the deepest, darkest corner of my mind. I have to. Power is freedom. Power is knowledge. I need more of it. The road back to me isn't that long. I know who I am. Strong, intelligent and thoughtful. I've been powerful before. I will be again. Because it's a part of who I am.
Labels define us.
Woman.
Sister.
Aunt.
Writer.
Poet.
Dreamer.
Lover.
Assertive.
Snobby.
Dominant.
Bossy.
Mean.
Bitch.
That one word seems to hold so much power. Why though? It's just a word. I don't like the negative connotations that are associated with it. When a woman is being assertive or aggressive, she's labeled a bitch. Why? If a man in the same position was doing the same thing, he would be patted on the the back. So if I'm bossy and I take charge, does that make me a bitch? If so, I'll be that.
People can think many things about me. They can feel however they chose. They can play judge and jury over my life. But they can also kindly keep their thoughts to themselves. I am a sweetheart. I love my people. I will help anyone I can when I can. If you're in my life, and I got your back. But if you cross me, you will see that fiery side of me. I can certainly play the bitch role. I am a Sagittarius who possesses a quick wit, sharp tongue, extensive intelligence and a smart ass mouth. Basically, not someone you really want to spar with. I will win. And smile when I'm done. I am bossy and assertive and very focused. Some don't like those attributes in me. They are unimportant to me. I'm me, 100% every day. It's not an act or a facade. Kenda is just Kenda.
In general, I'm not a mouse or submissive woman. Well, I will submit to my husband as the good book says to. But that's different, that's the love of my life. I will not bend or bow down. I fight for who and what I believe in. Does any of that make me a bitch? *shrug* Oh the hell well. I have no problem with the word. My issue lies with people hurling it at me to cut me down. What you're not gonna do is call me a bitch and walk away. Oh we will have words. That's just what it is.
I have been called many things. Some good, some not so good. A few to my face, more behind my back. That always makes me laugh. If a person isn't bold enough to say it is to my face, I don't even react. Clearly, who I am bothers them. And that's a personal issue. People hate in others either what they lack in themselves or what they see in themselves. Either way, it's not my problem. Words only have the power we assign them. I say we drain the power of negative words and labels. We should all just exist. Living our lives to the fullest. What's the one word that gets under others skin that you could careless about? Let's discuss.
