Strong Enough For Me To Be Weak

"No matter how strong the woman is , she wishes a for man to be stronger than herself ....not in order to give him the right to limit her freedom, but to give her the right." - Stolen from the Facebook status of my girl Aisha.

This status stroke a chord with me. Probably because it describes me. I've spoken about my strength on my blog before. I think Black women are raised to be strong. It's something inherent in us. I grew up watching my Mom being the epitome of a strong woman. She worked 2 & 3 jobs as well as taking care of us & home. She personified strength tovme all my life. Being the oldest of 6, being strong was the only option for me. I used to think that my strength could be seen as a con. I had to learn how to allow myself to be weak when I needed to be. It was a tough lesson to learn.

This internal struggle between strength and weakness was intense. It's most apparent in relationships to me. Sometimes women can be so strong and so independent that they can make a man feel unwanted, unneeded, and less than. No good can come from that. This isn't about stroking a man's ego. It's about respecting him and allowing a man to be a man in the relationship. I'm also not a big believer in the whole "I (as a woman) can do everything a man can. " I can't. Nor can any man do everything a woman can. If they could, I'd love to see a man go through pregnancy and give birth.

After thinking about the status, I felt I had to respond. So, I said "This is golden!!! Sometimes when you've been the strong woman, all you want is someone to help ease the load. And when you find a man who allows you to be weak without compromising who you are, it is the most wonderful thing. It's absolutely amazing to have someone who wants to be strong for you even if he knows you can handle it." Finding a man who can just allow you to note strong all the time is amazing. It's about letting go of control for a while. That is a gift in itself.

The conversation that followed Aisha's status was full of insightful gems. My girl Kenyatta made a few great points about not dealing with a weak man. She said " A women could NEVER take the place of a man....and being independent is good when your single..you have no choice. But trying to be super woman and run shit while I'm in a relationship...NOT. That would never work." I totally agree. This wasn't about bashing men. It was more about celebrating the great ones. Being a strong Black woman can be the gift and the curse sometimes. But, if and when a woman can find a man strong enough for her to be weak, she better hold on. It's a wonderful feeling to be able to allow someone else to lead for a while. There is beauty in strength. Embrace it.

Gender Specific

I believe in traditions. I think some things that are tried and true just work. I am a woman who can take care of herself. I'm independent and I think for myself. But I think I may be a little bit sexist. And, I'm ok with that. Gender specific roles are very real in my life. I think that's ok because it works for me and my life.

I have no problem with taking care of a home. I don't mind cleaning or cooking. I could deal without washing dishes but I don't despise it. I absolutely love doing laundry. These are all duties that traditionally fall under the female umbrella. I'm ok with that. Just don't ask me to cut the grass or do any major lifting. I don't think I'm prissy but I am a girly girl. I'm not big on getting dirty.

I know feminist would look down on my beliefs. But I don't care. I can't even truly pinpoint where this specific line of thinking came from. It def wasn't a part of my home life growing up. It is what I believe and hold true. Traditional gender roles have been around for ages. They have changed throughout the years. It may not be everyone's cup of tea but as for me and my house, it will probably be law. This woman is more than alright with that.

Want Versus Need

I consider myself to be a very independent woman. I was raised to do things for myself. I'm good at that. But, I also know that I can bend and let down my guard for the right person. I love to be wanted and needed. It makes me feel alive and vibrant. Why wouldn't I want to be wanted and needed? Love is a verb, an action word. It's more than a feeling. It just is. And to be wanted by someone who loves you is virtually unexplainable.

I've never said I didn't need a man. Who doesn't want to feel needed? That's a part of love being needed. I am mature enough to realize that women need men and vice versa. God created Eve from Adam. To me that implies that men and women are meant for each other. I'm very traditional when it comes to certain things. This whole "I'm too independent so I don't need a man" movement is dumb. I don't get it. I can't condone it or readily stand behind it. Once I realized that I wanted to get married and have kids, I knew I needed a man. I also knew I wanted a good man. I did not look for him. I know enough to know that God would not create my soulmate and not allow me to meet him. I had faith in my faith. Whatever that God has for me, is for me.

I don't need a man for financial reasons or to just share my bed. I need my man to love me, to share my life with, to complement me, to have my back and be my friend. I need that. I want that. I deserve that. And, I want my man to want me in the same ways. That is the lifelong partner that I desired. I've received that love. He is all of that to me and more. I hope he knows how much he is wanted as well as needed. I cherish this love because its precious and its all ours. It does not show a sign of weakness to admit that you want and need someone. It shows that you are alive and living. We all want and need others. It's just that simple to me.