And They Say...

…if you’re lucky then with age comes wisdom. I thought that the older you get then the more things would make sense. Specifically relationships, love, and friendships. I was wrong. Dead wrong. Have I learned things in all of my almost 34 years? Of course. Have I figured it all out? Not at all. Situations occur and I’m truly stunned by people’s actions.

I do not understand how one could be a despicable human being and look themselves in the mirror daily and be ok with that. I’m pretty straight forward. If I rock with you, you’ll know it. If I don’t, I won’t fake it for anyone. If I do not like you or care for you, I’ll keep you out of my space. It’s that simple. But, nothing in life is always so cut and dry and black and white. Too many folks live in that grey area. I’m not comfortable there. I like to know where I stand with folks. No matter if it’s positive or negative, give it to me straight.

Maybe my expectations of people, places and things were set too high from the beginning. I know I have ridiculously high expectations for myself. And, I expect people to at least be decent human beings who say what they mean. I do not believe that’s too much to ask of folks. Just be. This may result in me being alone a lot. I’m ok with that.

I’m not in the market for new friends. My circle is small but I trust them all with my life. They’ve proven themselves and vice versa. I’ve been betrayed, stabbed in the back, lied to, lied on, disrespected and had the trust broken. I’ve survived it all. It made me cherish the true ones in my life more. It’s also made me more guarded which is a catch-22.

I own every single thing that has happened to me, all that I’ve done. It’s all a part of my journey. I know what I know so far. I’m hungry for knowledge. I’m open to learning more and more. I don’t think we’re put here to figure it all out. Maybe it’s the questions and the quest for the answers are the point of life. It’s thoughts like this that cause my nightly insomnia, like tonight. What do you think?

Ms. Insomniac

I cannot count the number of nights that I have laid awake in bed. Tossing and turning, staring at the ceiling or out the window with sleep no where in sight. Sleep was alluding me once again. Sleep is not my friend. I've had really bad sleeping habits since college. Staying up way too late is normal for me. I can lay in bed for hours and not fall asleep. Sometimes I actually fall asleep at a decent hour only to wake up hourly. I don't really know what the problem could be. Getting a full 8 hours of sleep is a luxury I'm just not afforded. It's become a part of my life these days.

Insomnia is no joke. Not being able to sleep sucks. It's not a good time for me. I am great at functioning on a few hours of sleep now. I'm accustomed to it. This has been going on for almost 15 years now. I do know that it isn't healthy for me. Sleep is a very important factor in life. I don't want to get used to taking a sleeping aid. I'm afraid of developing an addiction. I try to only get in bed when it time to me to go to sleep. I was told to drink some chamomile team before bed as well. I'm open to any and all holistic remedies for sleeplessness. I'm also taking into consideration other aspects of my life that can be affecting my sleeping pattern.

My mind is always so busy at night. It takes me so long to settle down. I'm sure this is why sleep alludes me. I'm sure now that I'm paying more attention to the problem that a solution will be forthcoming. I know sleeping a full 8 hours is possible and obtainable for me. I'm confident that I will get one. I need to sleep more. It will make me a more productive human being. How are you guys sleeping? Any problems? Better yet, send me solutions!!