Around the E-Streets (XVI)

• Bill Cosby doesn't get that he is no longer seen as the Cosby of yesterday. He decided to challenge Twitter to meme him with the hashtag #Cosbymeme. This article made me laugh. 
• Diem Brown of MTV Real World/Road Rules Challenge fame has died at the age of 32. I always liked her on the shows. She succumbed to her third bout of cancer. 
• This week's episode of "Scandal" was one of the best ever. Olivia got out-Poped by Papa Pope. Things are getting very interesting. 
• Street harassment is a REAL thing. Women are being killed for simply NOT talking to strangers on the street. Where is the justice in that?
• Could someone please get one Piers Morgan all the way out of the paint please? He decided to write an article about the n-word. I won't link to it, but here's a rebuttal article that's worlds better. Here's a clue, Piers, we (Black people), do not need any words from a white man on the subject.

• TIME magazine thinks that the word "feminist" should be banned. It's among a group of words that the writers at TIME thinks are one of the worst words of 2014. There is something inherently wrong with this. 
• I have just gotten into one of the most captivating podcast. It's "Serial." And, it's a week by week look at a murder case. It's so good. 
• BET has made the decision to cancel "106 & Park." The powers that be have decided to move the show into a digital only setting. I don't think this is a good idea. The final televised show will be December 19th. Farewell 106.
• A Minneapolis Superintendent, Ms. Bernadeia Johnson, has implemented a new policy. After learning that Black students are suspended 10 times more often than white children, she decided a change needed to occur. She now "requires that all schools must obtain permission from her office for all non-violent suspensions of non-White students." I think this is a great move. 
• The N.O.P.D. stays messing up. They've been known for it for decades. But, this story of mishandling rape kits, victims and cases is reprehensible.

Not My Moses

Just saw a trailer for ”Exodus Gods and Kings” and got angry again. I totally forgot about this farce of a movie. A movie set in biblical times in Africa with no people of color in prominent roles. What is Hollywood's obsession with white washing all of history? This movie is set in Egypt. Egypt is a country on the continent of Africa. The bones of the first man and woman were found in Africa. Jesus has never, will never be a blond haired, blue eyed white man to me. It's just not possible. Even if you aren't a big believer in religion or the Bible, facts are always facts. I also find it funny that white people want to claim all Biblical people as their own. But, if you tell them that the devil is white, they get upset. No, you cannot pick and choose which ones work for you. There is no way on God's green Earth that I would pay money to sit through this revisionist version of the Bible. It took me almost a decade to watch "The Passion of the Christ" for some of these same reasons. I cannot get behind a tale that people in Egypt are a)not African and b)not Black. Mainly because both of those things are dead wrong. 

There has been a huge push back about this movie via social media. Through the hashtags #BoycottExodusMovie and #NotMyMoses (this was started by Kid Fury of "The Read" which is a great podcast). There is also this Twitter account Boycott Exodus. There is even a Facebook page entitled "Boycott Ridley Scott's Exodus." I hit the like button swiftly. I just do not get Hollywood's obsession with whitewashing everything. They are try to erase our history in front of our faces. In what world are Ramses and Moses white men??? And, Cleopatra is a white woman? No ma’am, no sir. This does not compute, baby. It’s disgusting and unbelievable. Do. Not. Want. This phenomenon of erasing Black people from prominent historical stories is just sad. It's as if the people who have caused the most harm want to pretty up their pasts. It's the exact same thing that is currently happening in schools with the great literary works. Editing books like "Huck Finn" to eliminate the word "nigger" is whitewashing how cruel and sick white people have been historically. Sorry, Satan, but you cannot hide all the dirt that your ancestors have done. Listen, Hollywood, stop the madness. Black people want to see people who look like us on the big screen as well. We want our stories told correctly. One can eliminate an entire race of people who are so important to the overall development of a society. Until that day, I will be sitting any movie out that looks to celebrate whiteness will eliminating any sign of my Blackness. So, on December 12th, do yourself a favor, Boycott "Exodus of Gods and Kings" and we can show Hollywood more than we can tell them. 

On A Tuesday...

1.  I hate when I wake up from a dream don't fully understand. Because it tends to haunt me. I cannot shake the one I had yesterday. It wasn't a nightmare, it was just odd. I don't like it.
2. As a natural fixer and nurturer, it bothers me when I am in a situation when I cannot do that. When the people in my life won't let me do what is as common to me as breathing. But, I am learning that it's not my place to fix everything and everyone. Hard lesson but a much needed one at this phase of my life. 
3. There is something I say to myself every morning. It hurts me to say it but I have to. Even though, there is a part of me that knows it isn't true. I have to say it and make myself believe it. It's needed in order for me to get through to the next phase. This is weird, I know but necessary.
4. Teyana Taylor's "VII" was released last week. It is an R&B hit. I haven't listened to much else. "Business," "Dreams," and "Broken Hearted Girl" are my standout favorites. But, I adore the whole project. Awesome work. Get into it.
5. Rum punch may quite possibly be my favorite thing to drink now. It was my drink of choice this past weekend via the open bar at the surprise party.
   
6. This gif depicts my entire life. Because it is accurate and relevant to so many things. Need. A mighty one. #FixItJesus
7. This grand jury ruling is 95 days too late and they still haven't rendered one yet. The people of Ferguson are bracing for war. I do not believe that Michael Brown will get justice. It's so sad, wrong and pathetic. 
8. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE random compliments, giving and receiving them. Last week in Target, I saw a gorgeous Black woman with the most glorious natural hair and cutest coat. I had to stop her to tell her. Her face lit up. Made us both feel good. Similarly, a Black girl stopped me in the mall to compliment my hair and lipstick. Made my day. And, not for nothing, being told you are dope as fuck or fine as fuck (albeit vulgar) will forever be the best kind of compliments in my book. 
9. Everything is changing. Some things in the right, good direction and for that I am grateful. Other things are fading away. It's sad but necessary. And, I am thankful for those as well. I know that whatever is for me will be mine because God says so. I am staying prayerful. That is all I can do.
10. The itch to cut all of my hair off is real. I love the length it is now. but, I keep seeing fly short natural cuts that I dig. I might have to do something different for my birthday. I'm not sure yet. 

A Moment of Truth

Fears. We all have them. We all live with them or conquer them. But, they are a part of life. My fears have changed since I was a kid. They've gotten bigger and also more specific. My biggest fear is an all encompassing one. It has evolved. My fear is now multifaceted. I fear that I will end up alone and childless. And, even more, I fear that there will never be another man who will look at me and truly see me and love me and more importantly, make the choice to stay while choosing me every day. It's what keeps me up at night. Has for months now. It is the reason why I haven't dated anyone else. I know for a fact that I couldn't survive another heartbreak. So, it's easier to be alone, to cut myself off from people. Because the reality is, I'm the only person who isn't capable of hurting me. It's easier not to feel or engage or pursue those avenues. It's better to stay behind this brick wall I've built back up around me. I'm smart enough to know that this isn't healthy and that my thoughts are a tad bit irrational. But, I'm also smart enough to know that I feel what I feel for a reason. Everything comes back to our personal experiences. 

Family and friends alike have told me that I shouldn't feel this way. Excuse me? No one can tell me how I should feel. And, the reality is that I feel like this. These are my thoughts, my feelings. They are real and they matter. If only because I felt them. I have stopped talking to them about this issue because no one really gets it. And, I don't fault them for it. This is my issue, my concern, my messed up emotional issues. I am praying that one day I'll be able to go to sleep without thinking about this fear. That I will wake up and it will have disappeared. Here's hoping that despair can be replaced with optimism. I do not want the things that have happened to me to determine what will happen for me. That is my definition of hell. My life being a series of reactions instead of actions. I'm way too headstrong and strong willed for that. That's not the woman I am or aspire to be. So, I'm on a journey to defeat this fear and way of thinking. There can only be one outcome: me winning. I am posting this to give myself a mirror to look in. I need to be accountable to myself. I'm ashamed of myself for letting this fear paralyze me. They say if you change your way of thinking, you can change your life. That is my motto now. 

Movie Review: "Gone Girl"

The new movie "Gone Girl" has been out for a few weeks now. I've wanted to see it since the trailers premiered. Finally, after a failed attempt when the film reel was broken, I got to see what all the hype was about. "Gone Girl" was an incredibly diabolical film. the acting was superb. I knew that Ben Affleck would kill it because that is what he does. I'm a fan. But, I was pleasantly surprised by the great job done by Tyler Perry. When he was on the screen, I was transfixed with him and I never once saw Madea which is a great feat. The breakout star is no doubt the actress who portrays Amy Dunne, Ms. Rosamund Pike. She was, hands down, the best person in the whole film. It also stars Neil Diamond Patrick and Swoosie Kurtz. The movie is based on the book by the same name by Gillian Flynn. I am currently reading the book because I was so impressed by the film. 

The premise of the movie is quite simple: missing wife leads to husband being the main suspect. But, nothing in this movie is what it seems. On the morning of Nick and Amy's 5th wedding anniversary, Amy disappears. What ensues after this discovery is a winding trail down the proverbial rabbit hole. I loved all of the twists and turns that this movie took. I never knew what exactly was real or fiction or what was actually going on. But, I couldn't take my eyes off the screen. It is not a short movie at 2 hours and 25 minutes but I didn't even realize that much time had passed. The movie was that good. I will definitely see it again and buy it when it comes out on dvd. I recommend anyone who likes a good suspense or murder mystery movie to see this. Get into "Gone Girl."

"Love is the world's infinite mutability; lies, hatred, murder, even are all knit up in it; it is the inevitable blossoming of its opposites, a magnificent rose smelling faintly of blood." -- Tony Kushner, "The Illusion"

Ladies Love Lyrics: JE "Getting Over You"

Jagged Edge is back!!! Finally. these four guys have provided the soundtrack to some very important and specific moments in my life. I am a fan. I also love the combination of them, Jermaine Dupri and Bryan Michael Cox. It's a formula that cannot lose. I was excited to get my hands on "JE Heartbreak II" so that my ears could be happy. I instantly fell for two songs "Future" and "Getting Over You/" One is about seeing your future in the eyes in the one you love while the other represents the opposite end of love, the ending. Both spoke to me for decidedly different reasons. I chose "Getting Over You" because it was more closely related to my current situation. You should def get into the video above, the lyrics below and the cd in its entirety. 

I don't wanna spend, I don't wanna spendThe rest of my life getting ova youI don't wanna spend, I don't wanna spendThe rest of my life getting ova youMy soul I been pouring, I remember that morningYou left with no warning, I need you nowI don't wanna spend, I don't wanna spendThe rest of my life getting ova you, now
From the moment I walked in it was wrong, so wrongYeah and I looked around for a couple seconds andEverything, it was gone, it was gone, it was goneSo many things about ya, it was perfect for meCan't believe all my love has gone awayAnd I'm down in the dumpster, I'm bout to fill this cupBartender, fill me up..."

"This Year, Halloween Fell on a Weekend..."

Happy Trick or Treating!! I have always been a fan of "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown." It's been on twice this season & I've watched it. I also DVR'd it. It's so appropriate so I had to share it with you. Also, since Halloween is on a Friday this year, The Geto Boys classic rap track "Mind Playin Tricks" had to provide the soundtrack. "This year Halloween fell on a weekend. Me and Geto Boys are trick or treating..." It's one of my favorite childhood memories and always remind me of Halloween. Hope you guys have fun and be safe. Eat all of the candy and have a happy Halloween!!!

                                         

Rant: If You Don't Mind...

Mind Fuck. Two words that can mean so many things. Have you ever been mind fucked? Ever have a conversation so good that you find yourself reliving it days, weeks, months later? If not, I feel sorry for you. There is nothing better for an intellectual like myself than this. I have had an affinity for words and conversations for almost all my life. I am a self described conversational lush and huge believer in intellectual intercourse. As I've gotten older, I have found that I crave deep, intellectual conversations that make me think and challenge my opinions. I have not meet too many people who know the art of good conversation. It is a positive personality trait. I enjoy the conversations about things I am deeply involved in and the ones that challenge my opinions. If you can keep up with me and/or teach me something, you are golden in my book. I crave it. Intelligent conversations with intelligent people make me happy beyond words. The only thing that makes these conversations better are the ones with brown skin men who know how to flirt as well. Those are swoon-worthy. Totally. I am patiently waiting for the day those specific ones return to my life. Because I deserve it. What about you guys? Anyone else like this as well? Or maybe this is a Kenda thing lol. Either way, I am here for it. Ok, rant over. Happy #TGIT to you!!

And, One More Random Thing...

• The hot button topic on Twitter this week has been street harassment. It made me remember some moments I always push away. There is no greater fear than the one that accompanies being accosted by a strange man on the street. I've learned to be nice but firm with my "no" replies. I shouldn't fear for my life when turning down a guy. Nor should it be a given that a strange man has the right to hold up my progression in the middle of the street or have some man I do not know touch me. But, all of that has happened to me. I've had men berate me for not stopping to talk or saying no. I've had men refuse to get out of my way until I gave them my "phone number." None of this is ok. It's barbaric and rude and reeks of male privilege. It sickens me. Nothing scares me more than a group of men on the street. Doesn't matter what race they are, they all give me moments of anxiety. I wish more people (read: men) would hear our (read:women) stories and take it seriously. Just two weeks ago, two different women were killed for turning down men on the street. Where is the righteousness in that? Men (yeah yeah, not all men), do better por favor. If a woman turns you down, take that "L," respect that curve and move on. That's it.
• The older I get, the more conscious I am about my Blackness. I do not want to live in a world where people don't see color. I am a Black woman. Both of those are important to me. The more I hear about and read about feminism, the more I am drawn to womanism. White feminists have not been inclusive of Black women from the beginning. It disgusts me to be honest. Alice Walker coined the term "womanism" as a place for Black feminists. It's hard to not see color when the color of my skin is seen as a negative in so many circles. I love being Black and I love Black people. 
• It's been 82 days since Darren Wilson shot and killed Mike Brown. He is still on a "paid vacation." There have been 2 other police involved killings in the St. Louis area (Kajieme Powell and VonDerritt Myers) since then. There have been no arrest. There has been no justice. This pisses me off. Black lives matter. 
• Sometimes I ask questions I shouldn't. But, I've always been a curious person. I have a thirst for knowledge. I need to know things, even if they may hurt me. If I do not question everything, I won't know anything. And, that doesn't work for me. 
• I may be slightly addicted to lipsticks now. I've purchased about 6 in the last 3 weeks. I love them all. I think it makes me look grown up. And, seeing that 35 is fast approaching, that may be a good thing.
• The inside of my left ankle is swollen. I do not know how this occurred. It's weird because I don't remember hitting it. It doesn't hurt though so I guess that's a good thing.
• I am working on bettering myself. In doing so, I realize I need to work on my facial expressions. I have this habit of letting my face speak for me. It's not a god thing, especially when I am not happy about certain things. I am a work in progress.
• Danity Kane's last cd "DK3" was released this week. I've been bumping it all week. I really like it. I've been a fan since "Making the Band." Dawn has always been my favorite. Her voice reminds me of Brandy's. 

Book Review: The Poetry Edition

I won't even tell you how many books I have in my to be read pile. Nor will I tell you that I just got more books from the library & purchased 2 others from Barnes & Nobles. We don't have to discuss that. I spent Saturday afternoon diving head first into a few of them. I discovered nayyriah waheed and her poetry via her Tumblr last year. I was instantly a fan of  her work. She writes from a place I know dearly. I followed her after reading only 3 pieces. I was delighted when she followed me back. We interacted once or twice. But, I was just happy to have her words on my dash daily. I was elated when she announced that she was putting out her first book.

Waheed's first book is "salt." I devoured this book in less than two hours. I loved everything about it. I bookmarked and highlighted more than 50% of the book. These are the pieces I knew from her Tumblr. I loved the story her pieces told. She writes of love and loss in a way that my heart understands. I love her tone and the affliction her breaks/pauses give to her work. This is my favorite of the two books. My love for "salt" is epic. I wanted to share a few of my favorite pieces. I placed them below. Enjoy. 

i am always writing.

of you.

for you. 

___________________

stay is a sensitiveword.we wear who stayedand who leftin our skin forever.                     - sojourn__________________

you blush like an ocean in lovewild with blueness.                - yemanja__________________ 

there is peaceful. there is wild. i am both at the same time.                 - sum__________________ 

Her second book is "nejma." From the cover alone, I could tell that the books would be decidedly different. I was write. It took me longer to get through this book. I wasn't as in to it as I was the former. There are some pieces that jumped out at me. They described my situation perfectly. I always find it amazing that there is another writer living somewhere near or far that can tap into my situation and explain what I cannot. I love writers like that. Both of her books are available via Amazon. Last time I checked they were $0.99 for the Kindle. Do yourself a favor and pick them both up. You will not regret it. Below are my favorite pieces from "nejma." Read and get into them. 

grieve. so that you can be free

to feel something else. 

______________________

can you feel my prayers.

there and.

there and.

there.

                 - pilgrimage

______________________

there is prayer in poem.

when i am writing

i am praying.

all the prayers that are too soft.

too young.

too old.

to say.

______________________

i am trying to remember you

and 

let you go

at

the same time.

               - the mourn

_____________________

Puzzle Pieces

The phrase "puzzle pieces" has been in my head all week.  I am in a period of transition. Honestly, I have been for a while. But, for the first time, I can see clearly. The clouds are lifting and the sun is peeking through. In this metaphor, my life is the puzzle that needs it's pieces. This means that I am attempting to put myself back together again. Some pieces no longer fit the woman I am today so they have to be discarded. The thing about being broken is that no matter how hard you try, you will never put yourself back together the same way. There are slivers of you that you will never find. So, all the glue and tape in the world would only be able to hold together the biggest pieces of the puzzle that you are. There will be cracks where the person you used to be existed. 

 "I'm in repair.  

  I'm not together  

  but I'm getting there"

                         -- John Meyer "In Repair"

Some days I sit and write these pieces on paper so that I can "see" myself more clearly. I feel as though there are characteristics that no longer belong in my life. They no longer work with the woman I am becoming. The one thing I know is that I will be better than I was. No one person or situation will ever stop me in my tracks again. No one will no longer have the power to break me. I am taking back my power and I feel damn good about it. I spent a lot of time reflecting, writing, and drinking this weekend. Everything was put into perspective once it was done. This is the best I've felt in a really long time and I am so thankful for it. The pieces of the puzzle that I call my life are fitting together perfectly again. What more can I ask for?

Herbal Essences Naked Review

I am an Influenster as you guys already know. I've blogged about the program numerous times. After being chosen for the last Vox Box and completing all the tasks, I was chosen as a Badge Brand winner. This meant I would be getting some Herbal Essences goodies for free!! And, who doesn't love free products?!? I waited patiently for my prizes to arrive. They finally did about 5 weeks later. My box of goodies included full sized bottles of the Naked Shampoo, the Naked Conditioner, the Naked Dry Shampoo and the Happy Go Lather Body Wash. I couldn't wait to try them all out. First impressions are everything. I love this sleek and clean packaging for this Herbal Essences Naked line. I loved that the bottle for the shampoo and body wash were clear. Wished that the conditioner bottle was as well. 

I adore the body wash. It smells like roses and the scent lasts a really long time. For me, a good body wash or soap is how much it lathers. Happy Go Lather passed that test with flying colors. I was familiar with the dry shampoo since I used it before from a prior Vox Box. I am a fan of it already. The real surprise for me was how much I really enjoyed the naked shampoo and conditioner. They both smell great and lather really well. My hair felt squeaky clean after shampooing and soft after conditioning. This Naked line has a new fan in me. The fact that there are no parabens is a real draw for this naturalista. It's in line with products I already use in my natural hair. I loved everything in my prize box. I am still elated to have won it. This is why being an Influenster is such a great perk for me. Get into these products.  

"I received these products complimentary from Influenster for testing purposes."

Get Into It: Quote Dump

This is just a dump of things I've read recently that I cannot shake. I guess they were things I needed to read to accept the reality of my current situation. I decided to share because you never know who's going through a similar situation. Get into it. 

                                         

Randomly in October

• Something is seriously wrong with the judicial system. The police who are paid to protect and serve are just killing folks for being Black. There have been over two months of protesting in Ferguson, Missouri. Cops who have outright executed young Black men are still walking free and getting paid. Where is the justice in that? I am disgusted.
• I swear I read some of the dumbest logic on social media. Some things I just have to shake my head at because of the levels of stupidity of it. I learned a long time ago to not let the world define or label me. That right only belongs to me. I can be intelligent and sexual, a homemaker and a woman on the scene. I have the right to be all the things that I feel deeply. There is a world inside of me and none of it can be easily defined. Folks need to broaden their minds and views of the world. It would make things so much easier. Also, all the time one spends trying to label me will be a loss because I am in a constant state of change.
• The BET Hip Hop Awards were on earlier tonight. I officially know that I'm getting old. So much of today's Hip-Hop is trash. I don't even understand most of these dudes. The "I Wanna Be Down Remix" performance was the best thing ever though. Live tweeting it made it more enjoyable.
• The fact that some folks expect more from me than they themselves would be willing to give is astounding. You cannot hold me to a higher standard than you do yourself. I am bound to disappoint you. But, you also need to know that my reactions stem from your actions. So maybe your actions should have been handled better. Just a thought. I'm only human. I'm only a woman, a helluva one but I digress.
• I am slowly getting back to myself. I am a different woman than before. I changed. Hopefully for the better. I declare there will be no more tears about people/places/things I cannot control. I have to put me first. That's the new rules.

• I saw Addicted last weekend. It was pretty good. Wanted to see Gone Girl but there was an issue with the film reel. I got a refund and free passes.
• Redefining what I want, need, deserve out of life. I am at a fork in the road. Still cannot believe that I'll be 35 in exactly 2 months. Where did the time go? So many thoughts. So many things to do.
• I  have been playing Jhene Aiko's "Souled Out and Luke James' debut cds out. They have both been on repeat all week. I love good lyrics and both projects have them. Check them out.
• It's amazing to me how much I've grown. My temper is so in check now. There is an old saying that states "maturity is when a person hurts you and you try to understand their situation and don't hurt them back." I think I am a living testament to that to everyone in my life except one person. But, she is the spawn of Satan so she gets no sympathy from me. But, I digress. I no longer feel the need to strike back. That's a good thing
• Some days I think I have it all figured out, other days I know I have not a clue. Such is life, right? Eh.

Get Into It: October Challenge

I am a writer. I declared this to be true a long time ago. The act of writing is a long and arduous one. But, it's the best thing I know. I am always looking for exercises or challenges to help me with my writing. So, when a poet I dig, Alex Elle, posted this on Tumblr, I was all in. #ANote2SelfJC is her October initiative. The goal is to write everyday of this day for 15 minutes in silence. I love journaling because it helps to clear my mind. Anything that gets me back in the habit of writing every single day is a great thing in my world. I have posted a view entries on my Tumblr page. But, most of it is way to personal for me to post. But, I started on the 1st and haven't missed a day yet. It's been very therapeutic for me. I am thoroughly enjoying it. It's funny because for years I kept journals. I haven't had one consistently in years. This is a great exercise for anyone but especially for those of us who love to write. I cannot wait to see how much of my journal that I can fill up before Halloween. Join in if you feel so inclined. Happy writing, folks!!

  

Movie Review: "Addicted"

Zane's "Addicted" has been one of my favorite guilty pleasures for years. It's the first book by her that I read. It made me an instant fan. So, the moment I heard that it was being made into a film, I was happy. I knew that I would have to see it. "Addicted" opened on Friday, October 19th. I was front and center early Saturday morning to see it. It stars Sharon Leal, Boris Kodjoe, William Levy, Tyson Beckford and Tasha Smith. All play central characters in this movie. Billie Woodruff is the director. I've always loved his work. From the opening scene to the last frame, I was enthralled. I really enjoyed the plot, the actors and the movie overall.

The actors were all attractive and kept my eyes glues to the screen. The plot varies in many places from the book. As a reader, I always have to temper my expectations when it comes to films based on books. I knew there was no way to get all the info into a movie. But, I think they skipped some crucial things. In the movie, Zoe isn't as loose as she is in the book. Quinton isn't as crazy or violent in the movie as he is in the book. The actions of a lot of the characters are very scaled back in the movie. I think that was a misstep. The sex scenes are beautifully done and shot really well. None of them are crass are tacky. I loved seeing Black people on the big screen being sexy and sensual and erotic. For that alone, the movie is a win to me. I enjoyed it. I would love to see a few of Zane's other books make it to the big screen as well, especially "Nervous." I recommend this movie as a must see. Get into it!