My Poetry Corner IX: "In Places I Can't Reach"

I gave you my heart
You promised to hold it with care
But then our wires got crossed
Communication broke down

Then you fumbled
Were careless with my love
I am now broken in places
I can't reach
Splintered in the corners of my soul
Your love was supposed to be it

I don't know how to pick myself up and go on
Don't know how to exist in a world
where you are not
I have so many questions
And no answers

I'm left here
Still so in love with you
I'm emotionally a mess
Angry one moment
Hurt the next
And through it all

I always feel
stupid
Stupid for believing that I could have it all
That I could grab my dream
That you would be in love with me forever
That I would be your wife, bear your kids

All that's left are all these tears
And the broken splintered pieces of my heart.
How do I fix what I can't see
Places I can't reach
I wish I knew how

So for now
I'll just sit & cry
While praying for my
own personal peace.

Copyright 2013 KatchKenda

Ladies Love Lyrics: Alicia Keys "Tears Always Win"

"These covers
May keep me warm at night
But they can't take your place Cause they never gonna hold me tight

And these pillows
May let me rest my head
But they can't say good night
And tuck me in before I go to bed

Say now baby girl you're better off That's what I'm telling myself (over and over)
But I'm lying to myself
Cause I know I don't want nobody else

[Chorus:]
These lips are missing you
Cause these lips ain't kissing you These eyes put up a fight
But once again these tears always win
These arms are wanting you
Cause these arms ain't holding you These eyes put up a fight
But once again these tears always win

These candles
Light up my room at night
But they can't light the room they way you did
When you walked inside, oh baby

If these walls could sing
About everything they've witnessed Oh it'd be a sad sad song
And it'll probably sound
something like this

Say now baby girl you're better off That's what I'm telling myself (over and over)
But I'm lying to myself
Cause I know I don't want nobody else

[Chorus:]

Tell me when the hell this loneliness is gonna be over
When everything in this room reminds me of you
Everytime I think, I'm getting closer Cause tears drown me out, once again I lose

These lips are missing you
These lips ain't kissing you
I put up a fight
But once again these tears always win
These arms are wanting you
These arms ain't holding you These eyes put up a fight
But once again these tears always win..."

Layers Of Me

LAYER ONE : THE OUTSIDE

- Name: Kenda

- Eye Color: A Lovely Shade of Brown

- Hair Style/Color: Depends, either curly or straight/Jet Black courtesy of L’Oreal

- Height: 5’4”

- Clothing style: Casual Chic with a few trendy pieces

- Best physical feature: It’s a toss-up: boobs, legs, cheeks on my face.

LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE

- Your fears: Spiders, snakes, ending up alone.

- Your guilty pleasure: Spa Pedicures.

- Ambitions for the future: Writing, Travel, Getting to happy again & again.

LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS

- Your first thoughts waking up: Lately? I just went to sleep.

- What you think about most: A situation I can’t control or fix.

- What you think about before bed: If I will actually sleep tonight.

- You think your best quality is: My creative mind.

LAYER FOUR: WHAT’S BETTER?

- Single or group dates: Single.

- To be loved or respected: Ideally, loved by someone who respects me.

- Beauty or brains: Beauty fades, dumb lasts forever therefore brains.

- Dogs or cats: Dogs.

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?

- Lie: More often to myself.

- Believe in yourself: I do, realistically.

- Believe in love: I do. I know it exists. I’ve had it twice for a moment.

- Want someone: Just one…all the time.

LAYER SIX: EVER?

- Been on stage: Yep. It’s thrilling.

- Done drugs: Yeah. I don’t get the hype in it.

- Changed who you were to fit in: Nope, I am me. Love me or leave me alone.

LAYER SEVEN: FAVORITES

- Favorite color: Cerulean, lilac & canary.

- Favorite animal: Tiger.

- Favorite movie: “Annie”

- Favorite game: Scrabble and Spades.

LAYER EIGHT: AGE

- Day your next birthday will be: Saturday, December 14

- How old will you be: 34. And, I am already dreading it. *le sigh*

- Age you lost your virginity: 17 1/2

LAYER NINE: IN A BOY OR GIRL

- Best personality: Intelligence, Witty, Funny, Common sense.

- Best eye color: Brown

- Best hair color: Black

- Best thing to do with a partner: Random convo’s, laughing, make love, travel.

LAYER TEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE

- I love: myself. It’s the most important relationship I have.

- I feel: like there has to be a reason for this. I just haven’t figured it out yet.

- I hide: my emotions from the people I love the most.

- I miss: that special connection that I shared with someone. It’s an overwhelming feeling that never goes away, not even when I’m asleep.

- I wish: I knew how things were going to end up. I wish I had the answers already.

Get Me Bodied

People will make an issue out of anything. I just read one of the most ridiculous articles ever. Of course , it was featured on Huffington Post, which seems to be the place for pieces like this. This article is insane. This doctor has condemned a pop star for taking a deal with Pepsi. Excuse me? When did it become a celebrities job to parent kids who aren't theirs? I will never understand this. It is a major issue when a celebs word has more say over your kids than you do. That is my bottom line. Beyonce' is the head of a global brand. She has been a Pepsi spokesperson for at least a decade. Why would she turn down a $50 million dollar deal that is beneficial for her? That makes no sense.

Yes, I know obesity is a huge issue in America, especially with kids. But, let us not forget that Beyonce' is also involved with the First Lady's Let's Move initiative. She also changed the words to her hit song "Get Me Bodied" and released a video to promote healthy eating and exercise. But, I guess all of that was for naught. Dr. Rockeymore comes across as a woman looking for an issue with a celeb. Her problem is with Pepsi and parents who contribute to the obesity of their child. I just don't get it. Maybe it's just me.

New Music From Solange

I am a fairly new Solange fan. I was not feeling her debut cd. It just wasn't for me. But, she got me with the release of "Sol-Angel and the Hadley Street Dreams" release. I loved everything about it. The 60's soulful music was comforting. I loved her lyrics and her voice. I also saw her in concert during Essence Fest in a Super-lounge. She was so good live. She was actually one of my favorite performances that year. It's been a few years since she released new music. So,I was very excited to get a release date for her "True" EP. It was released

My favorite tracks are "Lovers In The Parking Lot," "Some Things Never Seem To Fucking Work" & "Don't Let Me Down" because they are all great. I really wish Solange would've made "Looks Good With Trouble" into a full length song instead of a minute and half interlude. The beat is insane and the lyrics are A-1. I just vibe to this EP. I can press play and listen to every track. And, that means so much to me with music. I don't like to skip around much when I am playing a project. The "True" EP evokes a lot of great emotions in me. I totally get where she is coming from on this project. I love that Solange is not afraid to just be herself musically and take chances with it. It works wonderfully for her. I am a fan. Below are my favorite tracks. Vibe with me for a few!

Pet Peeves II

Pet peeves. Those little or big things that others do that irritate me. I try my best not to be ocd about them. But there are a few that are like nails on a chalkboard to my entire being. This is just a small list of pet peeves.

01) Don't "stranger" me. - The telephone works both ways. One can place and receive calls with it. If you haven't heard from me, don't call me with the "Hey Stranger" line. It irks me. Because you can call/text me as easily as I can you. I will say that I don't talk to many people. That's just me. But, I will text the hell out of you. I make the effort with the people I need to. The whole "stranger" thing is very passive aggressive & I can't rock with it. Say what you mean & get on with it.

02) Playing the victim. Own your shit. - No one likes a person who plays the victim role. Especially not me. I can't stomach it. I don't tolerate it. If you did it, take the blame like an adult. I have no use for people like that in my life. They are draining and ridiculous. So, I cut them out like the cancer that they are. I have no time for it.

03) People who willing don't read books. - Im instantly saddened by folks who say "they don't read books." Like seriously? Where do people this lost come from? Yes, I can admit I judge folks who don't read or take in interest in the arts. That bugs me. Black people were denied this simple right for too long for me to not indulge. Also, it makes me question a person's intelligence as well. Pick up a book & learn something. "Books are uniquely portable magic." Stephen King

04) I absolutely abhor the fact that some of my favorite songs contain memories that are attached to people I've known. - I love, love, love music. Probably more than most people do. I hate when a specific song reminds me of a specific person, place or thing when that memory is bad. There are songs that literally make me cringe internally. Music almost always leads to a sensory memory. It cheapens the song to me. But, I can't stop attributing songs to people. It's the gift & the curse.

Now I'm sure that there are other pet peeves. These are the things at came to mind while I was sitting here. I do think that I've gotten much better at dealing with them. It's not always easy to over look them. But I work on it daily. What about you guys? What are your pet peeves? Let's talk about it!

Places I Must Visit: Cape Town, South Africa

I had to admit something. I am a Black woman who has never wanted to travel to Africa. Ever. Until recently. I'm not fond of long flights. Or going anywhere where I have to get a gang of shots to travel there. I hate needles and shots. Those were my two major complaints. Also, I've never felt connected to Africa. Yes, I know my ancestors are from there. I've just never been concerned about seeing the continent. I follow Demetria Lucas on Twitter. She is a relationship writer. She is in Africa right now. Her tweets have inspired me to look up more about the Motherland. And, from reading and seeing pictures, I have decided that Cape Town, South Africa is a place I must visit.

The pictures of Cape Town are gorgeous. I want to go on an African safari. I want to experience the life of the locals. I want to just be there. I have not researched my family lineage. I don't have a real urge to. But, I would love to see Africa. Just to say I've experienced it. Africa is gorgeous in pictures. The stories and articles that I've read about the country are all glowing endorsements. Africa is a place I need to see, yearn to see. This is why it has finally made it to my list of places I must see.

So, This Happened This Week

Hospitals freak me out. I just don't like them. I have no issues with doctors or nurses. But, hospitals just aren't my scene. I went to sleep Sunday night perfectly fine and healthy. I woke up looking like a totally different person. Half of my face was swollen. I did not know what was wrong. I thought maybe I slept too hard and it would go away on its on. I wasn't in any pain. It appeared worse than it felt. I attempted to treat myself at home. I used a heating pad on my face, an ice pack, a hot towel all to slight results. My face was still swollen when I went to bed Monday night. I woke up Tuesday morning more swollen than I was Monday. I began to worry a little because now there was pain. I googled my symptoms. I was wondering if I had been bitten or if this was something extremely serious. I used the hot towel for about an hour. And, the swelling subsided so much that I believed I was in the clear. I took some extra strength Tylenol for the pain. And this is where I went wrong, I took a nap. My face, lips, nose and eyes were all swollen when I woke up. I went straight to the ER at a local hospital. That was an adventure in itself. There were blood tests, CAT scans, IV drips full of Benadryl, antibiotics and saline. My blood pressure was ridiculously high, which is abnormal for me. My heart rate was elevated because I was scared and nervous. I had a fever of 103.2 and it dropped to 101.1 after 2 hours. It was normal when I was discharged.

The swelling has subsided a lot which is awesome. I am in no pain thank God. I will never sit around and wait before going to the doctor again. If I can avoid it, the ER will never see me again. The highlight of this particular adventure was running into an old high school friend who is now the head nurse of the hospital. He talked to me while I was getting an IV and while I was waiting on my CAT scan results. He truly calmed me down. My fear of hospitals, not feeling well and being extremely cold caused me to have a slight anxiety attack. I've never had an extended hospital stay, never had an IV before or a CAT scan. So, everything was huge for me that night/morning. I was freaking myself out thinking of worst case scenarios. I'm grateful for the nurses and the two residents who worked with me. They were so nice. I have another appointment later this week. I left with a diagnosis that didn't freak me out. It's something simple and can be taken care of quickly. So, I am better but not completely myself yet. I feel like the oddest things happen to me lol. I will always have great stories to tell when I get old. This has been my anything but ordinary week. I'm on the road to recovery. So, if you are praying folks, send up one for me.

It's My Hair: Shrinkage Sucks

It's that time again. I have to discuss my hair issues. The one thing that I cannot fight is shrinkage. Shrinkage is the pits. I love this look. I love the way my hair feels. But, this shrinkage is awful. I have not fully grasped the concept of stretching my hair yet. I've worn this hairstyle a lot in the last year. But, this is the first time that I have truly experienced shrinkage. If the hairstyle wasn't cute, I would really be over shrinkage. I have said time and time again that this journey is about relearning how to manage my hair. I haven't been to a beauty salon in well over a year. The only people who have handled my hair are my sister and I. I've done this almost all by myself with only the help of Youtube natural hair vloggers and natural hair blogs. This has been a journey of faith and love. Even on a bad day, I am still loving my hair in its natural state.

The only thing I am upset about is that I didn't do this sooner. But, I also don't think I was mentally ready to do it before a year & a half ago. So, the weather is rather chilly and my hair reflects that. I washed it and braided it wet. This is something new as well. I usually get it braided damp or dry. I see a huge difference in the outcome. I like this look better as far as the texture. I do not like the shrinkage. My hair looks so short and it isn't. But, it is what it is. I'm just happy that it looks good. No bad hair days this way for a while. Have any of you dealt with shrinkage or stretching your natural hair? If so, what worked for you? Tell me something good. This is where I am right now with my hair. And, I'm happy with my progress. I think I will be cutting the last of my relaxed ends off next month.

This Reader's Review: Part XIII: "The Five People You Meet In Heaven"

I read a book a few years that really stayed with me. It was Mitch Albom's "The Five People You Meet In Heaven." Albom is an amazing writer. His books have always impacted me. This one is my favorite by him. It takes the reader on a very unexpected journey through the five people. The characters have such depth. While reading, I was genuinely invested in every character. That, to me, is the appeal of a great writer. Only the greats can evoke that emotion from a reader. Albom does this effortlessly. I just recently re-read this book. I needed to be reminded of the message in this book. I think I've read this book at least 6 times. It never gets old. It actually seems to get better every time I read it.

"The Five People You Meet In Heaven" is an excellent story. The main character is an old guy named Eddie. In short, Eddie is killed during a heroic attempt to save a little girl from a falling amusement park ride. He is killed and sent to heaven where he encounters five people who significantly impacted him while he was alive. That is the short story. The stories that each of his five people weave is insane. I read this book in a few hours. I couldn't put it down. I needed to know how each person was affected by Eddie. It's a book that made me smile during and after I was done. It made me think of who my face people would be. It handles death in such a Frank and different way than I'm used to. I love a book that challenges what I think or believe. "The Five People You Meet In Heaven" did that and more for me. There is also a movie about the book as well. It's one of my favorite books. I recommend it to every one. If you haven't, you should read this one.

Historical Day

Today is the second inauguration of our 44th President Barack Hussein Obama. It is also Dr. Martin Luther King Jr National Holiday. I will not get on a soapbox about Dr. King. But, we all can say that his dream in some sort has been released in the re-election of President Obama. The people of the United States of America saw past the color of his skin and into his soul. I feel the same way today that I felt 4 years ago. I am bursting with pride because I know my vote counted. I helped elect this man twice. I have been interested in politics for as long as I can remember. Nothing has made me more prouder to be an American than I have been the last few years. I watched the inauguration the same way I did four years ago: happily. I am proud of my country today. Today will also go down in history. Just wanted to speak on that. I hope you guys watched it as well. Today is also a day of service. So, you guys should get out and do that as well. Happy Inauguration day & happy MLK day!!

Malia & Sasha Obama. In 09 and today.

Get Into It: "Django Unchained"

I was not in a rush to see "Django Unchained." Although I am a Quentin Taratino fan, slavery movies don't sit right with me. I have never seen "Roots." I have seen "Queen" and "Rosewood." Both movies made me very angry. Ridiculously angry. For that reason alone, I've avoided movies dealing with slavery. It's a touchy sensitive subject for me. I've read so many reviews about "Django Unchained." They range from favorable to "This movie sucks." I've never been the girl who follows anyone else's beat. I am very opinionated and I love that about myself. Fast forward to almost a month after the movie premiered, I watched it. And, I loved it. It was really good.

If you are looking for an actual factual movie about slavery, then this is not the movie for you. It's more of a bounty hunter love story. Django is essentially a superhero. Jamie Foxx was awesome as was Leonardo DiCaprio. Samuel L. Jackson was amazing in his role. The movie was very bloody as is the norm in a QT film. I've seen it twice. I loved it more the second time around. There are more than a few inaccuracies in wardrobe, speech and music choices. Like the truly random Rick Ross song midway through the movie is weird. It makes no sense at all. I mean, rap wasn't even a thought then at all. It just seems so out of place in a movie about slavery. But, I digress. "Django Unchained" is a really good movie. If you haven't seen, I suggest you get into it. Taratino does not disappoint. 

As We Lay

I was listening to Songza as I do every night now. The remake of "As We Lay" by Kelly Price came on. I began to pay more attention to the lyrics. And, I became a little perturbed by the bs of it all. I was instantly reminded of my childhood. My Mom despised this song. So much so that I wasn't allowed to sing the original by Shirley Murdock. This track got no love in our household. I didn't know then what I know now. This song is the epitome of some gutter hoe shit. My Mother was correct to be so adamantly against her daughter singing it.



Of course, the infidelity is the biggest issue. I mean if you cheat on me I'm definitely going to leave you. That's just me & my stance. But what really pissed me off was a few lines in the second verse. Kelly sings "Goodbye baby. You're leaving me. I know you've got to hurry home to face your wife, wife. I would never want to hurt her, no, no, no. She would never understand. You belong to me for just one night." o_O My initial reaction was "Heffa please!" Listen, I am a lot of things. But, a stupid woman isn't one of them. If my husband had the balls to stay out all night, just know he wouldn't be coming home to me. If dude stays out all night without a reasonable excuse, we're going to have a misunderstanding.



And, the only excuse would be one of two things. Either he was unconscious in the E.R. or he was in jail & couldn't call. There is no other option. If a man is bold enough to not only have an affair but also to stay out all night with his side piece, he has no love or respect for me or our marriage. Dude walk in my house after being out all night with ya jump-off. See how that works out for you. I probably shouldn't blog when I haven't slept & have spent too many hours over thinking thoughts because this happens. But, it's my real feelings on it. Either way, I'm cool on the entire aspect of "As We Lay."

Will Life Imitate Art?

Ray Nagin was the Mayor of New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina. He served the city for two terms. From the beginning, I was never a fan of this man. He came across as oily and arrogant. Yesterday, he has been indicted on 21 different counts ranging from bribery to fraud. It has also been said that his actions stopped the rebuilding of the city after Katrina for up to 4 years. This man took trips and took money when he was supposed to be running a city. He is the worst kind of politician in my opinion. Louisiana has a history of corrupt politicians. It is actually one thing we are known for. This indictment has been years in the making. Nagin truly had this coming. I don't think there is anyone here who was surprised by this.

Nagin truly reminds me of a true life Clay Davis. For those of you who don't know who Davis is, let me explain. Davis was the slick as oil Senator from "The Wire." Davis had his hands in every illegal act he could while holding office. He was in bed with other politicians as well as the worst criminals in Baltimore. Everything about him was dirty, filthy. This, to me, is the exact representation of who Nagin is. I am interested in seeing how this plays out for Nagin. Because this is real life and not a scripted HBO drama. It is time for Nagin to reap what he sowed. He deserves to pay for his numerous crimes. And, this is why I will always be interested in politics. It is always like a real life soap opera. I will always be here for it.

Just Because I Felt Like It: Jay Z Interview

It's no secret that I love Jay Z. Absolutely love the guy. I am a fan of his music, his shows and his personality. He has this dry sarcastic sense of humor that speaks to me because I have it too. I've never seen this interview from a few years ago with Howard Stern. It was right after the release of Jay's book "Decoded." So, I had to share it with you guys. It's actually one of my favorite interviews. Howard was really good about asking questions that aren't the norm. I loved how open Jay was. I truly enjoyed it. I know any Jay fan will as well. Get into it!

Life of a Writer

“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.”
- Anaïs Nin

Writers are extremely creative people. This is also the gift and the curse. I believe that artists feel things more deeply than other people do. I know that I feel things very deeply. I sit with them for longer than I should, I worry about them much more than I should. This is just who I am. Just what my life is. I am a writer. I have been since at least the 3rd grade. It has been the thing I've most valued about myself. But, it's also the thing that drives me crazy. Whatever I am feeling or dealing with invades every aspect of my thinking. When I sit down to write, no matter the subject, I will end up writing about my current state of mind. This is fine if and only if I am writing for myself. But, when I am attempting to blog, this is a nuisance. I write about the exact thing I would rather not talk about. It makes my blogs sad and angry. And, I do not like to project those feelings into the universe. So, this makes it hard to blog daily. But, I write and write until I can get around my issue. I wonder if this is common for other writers? If they too deal with this stumbling block. I don't like it but I can't shake it. I guess it's just the creative process I have to go through to get to the good stuff. It's hard but worth it. So, here I sit, writing about anything but the topic at hand until the words find me. I have learned that this takes time. And, sometimes the words don't ever show up. Then, I just stop and start over the next day. It's what writers do. It's what I do.

A Political Rant

The NRA is full of it. Completely and totally. I've never been an advocate of guns. Never. I hate them. I don't want to touch them or shoot them or own them. That's just my personal opinion. That is not my issue with the NRA. My main issue with them now is this ridiculous ad they just released. The NRA's ad questions why the President's daughters has Secret Service men protecting them. Really? Seriously? The NRA's response to the horror that was the Sandy Hook shooting was to insist that the only thing that will stop a bad guy with a gun is more guns. And, that all schools should be policed more heavily with armed guards. Our President is vehemently opposed to this plan of action as am I. That won't solve the issue at all. The above ad is just sickening. As President, his life and the life of his family is of high priority. Presidents and their families are afforded this protection because it is needed. I have never known of any other President's family being protected by Secret Service being questioned. No one really wants to send their kids to school with guards. We need to figure out a solution. Gun laws need to be tightened. Kids need to be protected at school and in their neighborhoods. The NRA needs to offer solutions or shut up. The President needs to put his foot down on the neck of Congress and the House and get laws passed. But, bottom line, this ad is disrespectful and wrong. The Obama girls need protection because folks are insane. We need to do better.

Let's Talk About: New TV Shows

I really hate getting caught up in new shows. Because you run the risk of them not being around. But, alas, I do it any way. Especially when it comes to scripted shows with Black leads. It is a rare feat. So, I try to support any and all positive Black programming. So, when I heard about the NBC show "Deception" I knew I would give it a chance. "Deception" is a cop murder mystery drama starring Meagan Good and Laz Alonzo. The show premiered 2 weeks ago. The first two episodes have been really interesting. Meagan plays an undercover cop investigating her childhood best friend's apparent murder. Alonso plays an FBI agent who has history with Good. I am intrigued by the possibility of what will happen. The family that this show is centered around is rich, powerful, evil and full of secrets. The ratings have been really good so far. It airs on Monday nights @ 9pm CST on NBC. Check it out if you like drama and cop shows.

BET "Real Husbands of Hollywood" premiered last night. It is the brainchild of comedian/actor Kevin Hart. It started as a skit on the BET Awards last year. I remember that the skits were hilarious. The first episode is an introduction to the characters. The show stars Kevin Hart, Robin Thicke, Nelly, Boris Kodjoe, Duane Martin, Nick Cannon and JB Smoove. I laughed the entire episode. The show is a play in the whole "Real Housewives" franchise. Kevin is silly as hell and extra. And, all of that works well for this show. I didn't have set expectations other than for it to be funny. So, they did exactly that for me. I cannot wait to see the next episode.

BET's "Second Generation Wayans" premiered last night as well. The show is centered on Damien & Craig Wayans & their struggle to get jobs in Hollywood. Both men are nephews of the Wayans that we all know. re are a few familiar faces on this first episode. Marlon Wayans, George Gore, Tatyana Ali, Kevin Hart & Deray Davis all appeared. The show is cute & funny. I like these guys. So I will be watching. I like the direction BET is going with this new programming.

Ladies Love Lyrics: Brandy "Do You Know"

Lately I've had the strangest feeling. I'm up...again since insomnia knows my name. Excuse me if there are any typos. I'm sleepy but can't sleep. I've had this song on repeat for hours now. So, I decided to share a track off of Brandy's "Two Eleven." This needs to be a single because well it's dope.

"Now all I hear you saying is don't stop
Did did you forget that?
What's that look on your face?
Are you surprised?
(You act like you can't believe this Gon and lay your head back
While I set it off
What you thinkin bout
Is it me your heart
You say you'll never leave
I ain't insecure
What you yelling for
Already

Chorus:
Do you know what you got here (do you know)?
Do you know what you got here (do you know)?
Do you know what you got here (do you know)?
Do you know what you got here (do you know)?

I don't think you recognize
Love
I'm certified ride or die
Trust
Why do I have to ask (what)
Is it good enough (what)
Don't you see in me (what)
What I'm committed for (what) Take a bullet for ya (what)
If I had to (what)
Take my heart from me
might point it at you..."

New Music From Justin Timberlake

Justin Timberlake is back!! Finally!! I have to say it's been far too long. 6 years since he blessed us with music. I have been a fan since the day I heard N'SYNC's "Gone." I was not into the whole N'SYNC movement before that. I fell for that silky voice of Justin's that day. That song was so soulful that I was shocked to see who the voice belonged to. I was all in from that moment on. I still play his solo cd "Justified" regularly. I loved everything about it. It is classic to me. Then, he released "Future Sex/Love Sounds" and redefined what I thought about him. He just reinforced my love of his music. So, 6 years later, he finally puts out new music. I thought he was done with music and focusing on his acting career. I am a happy fan right now.

"Awww, go on and show em who you call daddy. I guess they're just mad cause girl they wish they had it. Oooh, my killer, my thriller. Yeah, you're a classic. And you're all mine tonight. And as long as I got my suit and tie, I'mma leave it all on the floor tonight. Baby got fixed up too nice. Let me show you a few things about love." - JT

"Tell ya mother that I love her cause I love you. Tell your father we'll go further as a couple. They didn't lose a daughter, they got a son." - Jay-Z

I listened to his new single "Suit & Tie" on YouHeardThatNew last night. On first listen, I liked it but didn't love it. (Note: I also wasn't crazy about Beyonce's "Crazy In Love" or Jay-Z's "Change Clothes" on first listen either). By the 4th listen, I determined I was indeed a fan. The production by Timbaland is nuts. The beat changes three different times. But, it really works. This is grown man R&B. I am so thankful that Timbaland and JT went the R&B route and avoided the trashy Euro-pop route. The song is about being on his suit and tie sh-t, grown man music. Also, this track feature's my favorite rapper, Jay-Z. The beat changes for the third time when Jay steps in. His verse is about being grown and married. JT is releasing his third solo cd sometime this year. It is titled "The 20/20 Experience." I cannot wait to hear what him & Timbaland have cooked up this time around. Listen and enjoy this new offering from the original Justin.

Oh and just because I felt like it, below are some of my fave JT tracks from his two prior cd. I am listening to prepare myself for what "The 20/20 Experience" will no doubtedly be.

Get Into It: Duolingo

I love languages. I love to hear them spoken even if I cannot understand. I have mastered the Spanish language. I want to conquer a few more. Learning a new language can be hard and expensive. I have found a way around the cost issue. I stumbled across a new FREE site that helps. It's Duolingo. They over free foreign language tutoring. They offer Spanish, French, Italian, Portuguese, and German. I have spent the last hour brushing up on my Spanish. I plan to tackle French tomorrow. The site is very user friendly and easy to navigate. It is interactive and bright. I love the clear speaking voice of the monitor. The Spanish section of Duolingo has been very fun for me. I do have 6 years of high school and college level Spanish under my belt. I do not use it daily like I should. But, I can read and write it expertly. This site has given me a little bit of happiness on a Saturday. It is also available as a free app on Andriod or I-phone. I just downloaded. I will be using this app a lot I believe. If you are looking for a fun and easy way to learn a new language, Duolingo is it. Go ahead and get into it.

Classic Music: TLC "CrazySexyCool"

TLC will always be one of favorite girl groups ever. When they came out, they were young, different and had a vibe of their own. My cousins (Ty & Reese) and I were all about TLC. We were them for Halloween one year. I was Chili! Their debut release was played non-stop in my room. I knew every word to every song. I didn't think that they could top it. I was wrong. Their sophomore release "CrazySexyCool" exceeded any and all expectations I had of this group that I loved. This cd spawned 4 top 5 hit singles. The cd has been certified diamond in sales. Going diamond is virtual unheard of. Diamond means an album has surpassed 10 million in sales. TLC is the only girl group to do this. "CrazySexyCool" has sold, to date, over 23 million copies worldwide. The cd won two Grammys. Everything about this project was special.

The women in TLC were sexier and edgier in their look, lyrics and sound this time around. There was something about the music that just pulled you in. Every single was a hit. "Creep" was the first single. Followed by "Red Light Special." Both songs were massive hits. The videos def showed the sexier, more adult side of T-Boz, Left Eye and Chili. But, neither of those songs would do what the third single did. "Waterfalls" was an instant hit, blazing to the number one spot. It was the biggest song of 1995. The video was amazing and visually appealing. I think they will forever be known for this song by everyone. This cd made people really notice TLC. This cd solidified their spot in musical history. What makes this project classic to me is the music still stands almost 20 years later. And, as always, the best songs weren't always the singles. Check out my favorites tracks below. Enjoy!

Dear Diary (V)

Have you ever felt...empty? Like something is missing from your life? That's the feeling I've been fighting lately. On my quest to be a better version of myself, I've been thinking a lot. More than normal actually. I figured that I needed to work on my internal self. Meaning watching what I put into my body as far as food, music, tv, what I read & what I think. Weeding out the negative aspects of life is going well so far. I've changed a lot of my thoughts. I have to thank "The Alchemist," as well as "The Dreamgiver." These two books really resonated deeply with me.



But, now that I'm aware of certain that things, I notice when things are lacking. That emptiness I spoke of earlier. It's this nagging feeling of something being missing. I'm not exactly sure what it is. What if it's something I can't fix? Or is I not able to obtain? I just feel like I'm going to have to face it eventually. It's inevitable. I don't think this emptiness is about a person or people. I truly believe that it's something I have to discover about myself. No one can give it to me. It's a journey that only I can take. Alone. Self discovery can be many things. I'm open to all of them. I have a feeling that the emptiness will fade away & I will be abundantly full. Always. How can I be anything other than excited about it? Life is good.

The Great Clean-Out

Sometimes we get in our own way by holding on to things that we need to let go of. I am thankful for Necole Bitchie for bringing AJ's Clean-out to my attention. She tweeted about it. It's just a way of getting rid of the clutter in your life. I started by deleting contacts in my cell that I don't need or use. I followed that by deleting old texts that I didn't need to hang on to as well as emails. I got rid of a lot of dead weight. I cleaned out my closets. I got rid of clothes and shoes that did not fit or did not work. I purged myself of so much stuff. Stuff that held no value. Stuff I had no emotional tie to but just wouldn't let go off. I finally got it. None of it meant anything. I had to simply let go. Release all of it to the physical and virtual trash cans.

I did something today that I've never done before. I deleted posts on Tumblr/Twitter. I have always been a big believer in standing behind what ever you post on line. Whatever I blog about or post on any social media sites, I leave it there. Good, bad, inappropriate or indifferent. Whatever I post, I post. I stand behind my thoughts on posting it. But, in line with this clean out, I deleted all the negative/passive aggressive/off the wall things I posted in the last month. I have to admit, it was more than I expected. But, thoughts/ideas become things. I do not want to carry any of it with me any more. I know why my posts have been that way for the last month or so. But, it still isn't a representative of who I really am. Yes, I'm a woman, an emotional being, strong as well as weak. But, I don't want anyone to believe that I am the person those post were making me out to be. So, I've decided to stop. Yep, just stop. Don't post anything that isn't true to me. I can write in private when I feel the need to vent and don't want to talk to anyone. That is my course of action this year. The Clean-out was just the kick in the pants I needed. It got me motivated about a lot of things. Have you purged yourself of things, people who mean you no good? I think we all should. Get into that!

Get Into It: Wale "Folarin"

One of my favorite rappers dropped a gem over the holidays in the form of his mix-tape "Folarin." Wale has been a fave of mine since before he got a major deal. I love his storytelling & spoken word angles in his music. also, I feel that as a rapper, he makes music for me and women in general. I can vibe to all of his major releases and mix-tapes. His music always puts me in a better mood. I can just vibe to it. That is also the case when it comes to "Folarin." From the opening track to the final one, Wale just floats all over this project. Great music is just awesome. When it's free, it's even better.





I love this project. I have an addiction to one song in particular. That track is "Bad" which features Tiara Thomas. Wale and Tiara are a perfect musical couple. They have a great chemistry. This song has to be their best work together. I cannot wait to get a full Tiara Thomas project. Other standout hits include "H2O," "GetMeDoe," "Cool Off" featuring Jhene Aiko and "Money Changes" featuring Chrisette Michele. Even though they are tracks on a mix-tape, they could all be singles. They are just that good. "Folarin" also gets me excited for Wale's next major release. Because of the music is this good right now, I can't even imagine what he will do next. If you are not a fan, "Folarin" is a great introduction to an artist that I love. Go ahead and get into Wale!

Picture This

No matter how strong a person appears to be, they can be broken. I know that I am a strong woman.It's the way I was raised. I handle things, I take care of people. It's just who I am. But, when everyone piles the weight of the world on the back of the supposedly "strong," how long before the strong break? It will happen because none of us are built to carry it all alone. So, yes, the strong can be broken. It takes more to break them. But, it will happen. It does happen. Maybe not often. And, the most annoying thing about being perceived as strong is that when you do break, you can't share that with anyone. The strong break in silence and in darkness. The strong break alone in their own spaces. It's annoying to have to hold the hurt & pain in. Mostly, I keep things to myself. I vent a lot here mainly because I know who in my circle reads this and who doesn't.

When the strong break, all they want is someone in their lives to realize it and offer their help. A shoulder to lean on, a hug, a kind word, or just a listening ear. It isn't much but to that strong, broken person it is the world. Because people expect the strong to be in control. This means that no one is ever truly there for them. That is the sad thing about being strong. It's a very lonely role to fill. So, yes, I am strong and maybe a little broken at times.That admission doesn't make me less strong. It just makes me more human. I know that I don't have to be superwoman every day. Hell, I don't have to be her at all. When I break, I take the time to feel what I'm feeling. Then, I put myself back together again. Strong always, broken sometimes, woman through and through. How about you?

Let's Talk About: Hypocrisy

I said I wouldn't blog about this issue. wouldn't take time to discuss a "celeb" that I don't see it for. But, then the above picture found its way to every social media site I frequent. And, it pissed me off for so many reasons. If you've been living under a rock, then you missed the announcement via Kanye West at his concert that Kim was his baby mama. Yes, she's pregnant. Babies are a blessing. I will not say anything about that. But, let's discuss the huge purple elephant in the room. Kim is still legally married to Kris Humphries and is pregnant for Kanye West. That is very messy. And, just wrong. So that meme above pissed me off because it's like because she has money her unsavory behavior should be overlooked. No. Let's call a thing a thing. I've never called her a whore because I honestly do not think she is. She is famous for no real reason. She has no personality and she just irks me. Oh and the "Ya'll hoes" shit was uncalled for. And, I don't know any female who had 3 kids by 17 fyi. Also, putting down other to uphold someone else defeats the purpose.

If Kim was Keisha from around the way in the same predicament, the same men I've seen caping for Kim would be dogging Keisha. That is the hypocrisy I despise. The comments that I've read about the Kimye baby have run the rainbow from positive to negative. My opinion is not about judging her. The facts are still the facts no matter who you are. And, when you chose to live your life in front of the world via a reality show and reality stunts then you get what you get. I'm just saying if I was a married woman going through a divorce the one thing I wouldn't do is get pregnant for my boyfriend. I mean that's the least I could do is close one door before walking through the next one. It's entirely too messy for my taste. Also, everything about this situation screams "Publicity stunt." Her new show is about to premiere. She did the same thing with that farce of a wedding right before the show premiered. See a pattern here? There is nothing authentic about the chick. I just want men, especially Black men, to stop upholding bullshit when it comes from white women. Just quit it. Wrong is wrong. End of discussion. I will not write about this again. I can't.

Ladies Love Lyrics: Throwbacks

It's time for my first Ladies Love Lyrics of 2013. I am in love with Songza. It has ended my love affair with Pandora for now. I have a station called "The Definitive Soul Collection." It is e-very-thing to me. It plays all of my favorite old school and new school hits. That is where I came up with today's pick. I was an uber Karyn White fan. "Superwoman" was her biggest hit. So, let's reminisce a bit.



"Early in the morning I put breakfast at your table.
And make sure that your coffee has its sugar and cream.
Your eggs are over easy, your toast done lightly.
All that's missing is your morning kiss that use to greet me.

Now you say the juice is sour It used to be so sweet.
And I can't help but to wonder If you're talking 'bout me.
We don't talk the way we used to talk.
It's hurting so deep I've got my pride, I will not cry.
But it's making me weak.

Chorus:
I'm not your superwoman.
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down.
And think that everything's okay.
Boy, I am only human.
This girl needs more than occasional hugs.
As a token of love from you to me, ooh, baby

I fought my way through the rush hour.
Trying to make it home just for you.
I want to make sure that your dinner will be waiting for you.
But when you get there you just tell me
You're not hungry at all.
You said you'd rather read the paper.
And you don't want to talk.

You'd like to think I'm just crazy
When I say that you've changed.
I'm convinced I know the problem
You don't love me the same
You're just going through the motions
And you're not being fair
I've got my pride, I will not cry.
Still I can't help but care

Chorus:
I'm not your superwoman.
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down.
And think that everything's okay.
Boy, I am only human.
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
As a token of love from you to me... "

My second throwback pick comes from Joss Stone. I have always loved her voice. The song is "Spoiled." I have loved it for years. And, again, I heard it on Songza one night when I couldn't sleep. My Ultimate R&B Collection station is basically golden. I can never go wrong with it. I wonder where Joss is. Get intot he video and lyrics below.



"I kinda thought that I'd be better off by myself
I've never been so wrong before
You made it impossible for me to ever
Love somebody else
And now I don't know what I left you for

See I thought that I could replace you
He can't love me the way you do
'Till now I never knew
Baby

[Chorus:]
I'm spoiled
By your love boy
No matter how I try to change my mind
What's the point it's just a waste of time
I'm spoiled by your touch boy
The love you give is just too hard to fight
Don't want to live without you in my life
I'm spoiled

I tried to tell myself that I'd be over you in a week or two
But baby that was 'bout a year ago
I've never seen the word love so personified as I do with you
And that is why I just can't let go, oh no..."

Rant: Really Woman?

I am never shocked by the stupidity of people in general. But sometimes, people can catch me off guard. Such was the case yesterday on Twitter. The series of tweets pictured above threw me for a loop. In what world does a man carrying his child's diaper bag make him less than a man? That has to be one of the stupidest things a person has ever tweeted. This woman defended these claims for hours. It's also imperative to state that this woman is single and childless as well as a conservative Republican. A quick scan of her time line shows many reasons for her current predicament.

But, back to the issue at hand, men & diaper bags. A man who loves and takes care of his child is a beautiful thing. There is nothing emasculating about a man carrying a diaper bag. How any sensible, thinking person comes to this conclusion is beyond my realm of comprehension. I don't know what delusion world this chick lives in but it is not the same one that I do. I could go on and on but I'm sure you all get it. Men,father your kids so they don't grow up this misinformed. People are dumb. The end. Oh, yeah someone complied the whole ordeal on Chirpstory. You guys can check it out here if you have the time. I'm sorry but some Conservative Republicans are dumb as hell. There is no other way to describe them. I'm still under the weather & writing this is taking so much out of me. There aren't enough cold meds in the world to make this ok. I have a fever. So, I'm done. Do better, America!

Around These E-Streets (III)

I am a voracious reader. Whether it is books, magazines or online, I am almost always reading something. I wanted to share so interesting things I ran across this last week or some on the web. Hope you guys enjoy it.

° Read a great inspiring post on YouHeardThatNew.com. It was about dreaming big. A kick in the pants it was. You could get something out of it too. Read it here.

° I have so much to say about the whole Kanye & Kim's baby. But, I think Demetria Lucas summed it quite nicely. You can read her take here.

° In this day & age, celebrities STAY putting their foot in their mouths via social media. Fantasia is the latest in that group. She posted some very choice word on her Instagram. Miss Jia has a section on her website for open letters to celebs. This is what happened next.

° After NJ Governor Chris Christie blasted Boehner for his inaction of Sandy aid, I just knew that his re-election would not be feasible. I was wrong...

° Because Speaker of the House John Boehner narrowly won his re-election bid. I am surprised because, well, he's a douche who does not do his job. But, then again , the GOP owns the House right now.

° One of my favorite bloggers, Necole Bitchie, has a personal blog that is filled with gems. She posted this a while back. But, it is always relevant. It's about getting out of your comfort zone.

° One of my favorite professional football players, Ray Lewis, is retiring. This story makes me incredibly sad. Lewis has been a beast on the field. He gave his all to the Baltimore Ravens for 17 seasons. I have watched him almost since the beginning. He is, however, moving into a new position with ESPN in the booth. The story is here.

° It's no secret that I love our First Family. They are picture perfect in my mind. The White House has released a great pictorial on the Obama's and 2012. You can see the wonderful pictures here. The one below is my favorite. It was taken at a wedding. The First Lady is all into the vows while the President is all into her. Gotta love Black Love!

It's My Hair: 15 Month Check-In

My natural hair journey is in its 15th month. Wow!! I'm so very excited to still be here...sticking to it. I started here, wondering, contemplating even taking the jump. It took me almost a full year to commit to it. And, here I stand, 15 months later. I can say that my hair care regimen has been very low-key the last 6 weeks or so. I have still been pre-pooing my hair, deep conditioning it and wearing it in a bun. And, also putting oil on my scalp and lightly rubbing it through my hair. Easy breezy. Simple hair care. I am not into a whole lot of fuss when it comes to my hair, natural or permed. I crave easy. My hair is thick so easy works best for me. I rather not think a whole lot about what is going on with my hair.

A few days ago, my younger sister did my hair for me. She used some new products in my hair that i am now in love with. It is Joico shampoo and conditioner. Great product for natural hair. It smells incredible. It also left my hair so soft and shiny. I also sat under the dryer in rollers to give my hair some body. She finished by flat-ironing my hair. I have been wrapping it every night with my silk scarf. I feel brand new. If you didn't know my hair was natural, you would think I just got a fresh relaxer. It looks amazing. My hair is almost at the same length it was when I began my journey. I am on a length journey as well as healthy hair journey. It seems to be going in the right direction. I'll be back soon with more natural hair tales.

January 2013 Random Thoughts

°I spent New Year's Eve sick, doped up on meds and alone. I was in bed well before 12. And, sleep as the New Year rolled around. Great fun right? :/

° The week of Christmas was so much needed family fun. I needed to be with my family. Needed to laugh and be silly with them. They were the greatest. I thoroughly enjoyed myself that week.

° This whole fiscal cliff fiasco has me on edge. The damn House and Congress Republicans, especially Boehner and Cantor, are idiots. I wish the President would just go in there and for lack of better words, drop his nuts. He is the President and will be until January 2017. He should tell them all to kiss his natural black ass and keep it moving. Oh but I am glad that things have been worked out in the 11th hour.

° I am super geeked about "The Great Gatsby" with Leonardo DiCaprio. I absolutely loved the book in high school. I am currently re-reading it again. I will be front & center when it is released. Oh, and Jay-Z, your favorite rapper's favorite rapper, is doing the music score for the film. That in itself is a major win.

° I am currently working on my virtual vision board on Pinterest. This is my first time doing one. After reading books like "The Secret," "The Dream Giver," and "The Alchemist," I truly believe in the law of attraction.

° Last year, I read a lot of great books. All of them made an impact on my life. My goal for this year is to read double what I read last year. Mostly life changing, motivational type books. A few trashy books to spice it up.

° In this new year, I am focused on strengthening relationships. In the last few years, some relationships in my life haven't been nurtured in the right way. I have to fix them. And, I will.

° Over the holidays, I played Spades with my family. I haven't played cards in years. I forgot how much I enjoy it. Especially the shit talking that takes place on that table. We have a tentative date for a rematch around Mardi Gras when everyone is back home. I cannot wait.

° I am still on my natural hair journey. It's been almost 15 months without a relaxer. I never thought I would stick to it. But I did. I got my hair washed, deep conditioned, and flat-ironed on New Year's Eve'e eve by my sis. I literally feel like a new woman. My hair feels so good. Soft, shiny and most of all healthy. That makes me happy.

°I finally watched "The Dark Knight Rises." It was good but not as good as the "The Dark Knight." I loved Heath Ledger as the Joker in that one. But still a fitting end to the trilogy.

° I've been trying not to allow myself to wallow in my feelings. It hasn't been easy. Hell, I've failed at it more than I've succeeded. But, I still soldier on. I'm ok when I'm around others. But, when I'm alone, that's another story. But, I'm working steadily on it.

°TLC premiered two new reality shows last night. "Totally T-Boz" is a show about T-Boz of TLC fame & her life. It seems fake and forced. T-Boz seems loud and extra. I don't think I'll be watching it again. The second show is "The Sisterhood." It's about First Ladies of Churches. There is something so wrong with this show that it's right. I will be watching it again. The women are interesting. You guys should get into them.

All Things Begin Anew

HAPPY NEW YEAR'S!!!

January 1st, 2013. It feels weird even typing "2013." I'm sure it's going to take me a while to get used to it. It's a brand new year. Time for fresh starts, new beginnings. New Year's Eve & Day always brings about reflection for me. I think back on what the outgoing year brought me and what I want in the upcoming year. I hope that 2013 is everything that all of us want it to be. We all deserve it. Let's make 2013 as great as possible, people! Prospero Año Nuevo¡